Junk Food Nation, I have an announcement to make: I can button the neck button on my dress shirts. I’ll hold for applause. You don’t understand, JFN. This is huge for me. And that’s why I’m back with Awkward Mondays to discuss something that has plagued me for some years now: my former big fat neck and the neck button on my dress shirts.

Because of my particular build, I tend to wear “modern cut” or “slim fit” or “athletic cut” dress shirts – shirts that are bigger up top and trimmer at the waist.  That’s just a kind way of saying that even though you have an average waist that your neck is thick like a tree trunk. But until recently I hadn’t been able to button that neck button. For those of you familiar with shirts, I have the shoulders of a 15 1/2″ shirt…why the heck would I wear a 18″ neck shirt? So I can go para-sailing with all the extra fabric? No.

What I would do instead was wear 15 1/2″ shirts, and tighten my tie around the gap on my neck due to the not-buttoned neck button.  It was all good – the knot covered most of the gap, and with my suit jacket on, no one discovered my secret.  That is, until one day at work I was in front of a particularly strict judge who noticed some skin peeking out from under the tie knot, leaned in, and said, “Go into the hallway and don’t come back until you’ve fixed your collar, counselor.” I was both mortified and panicked all at the same time. What was I supposed to do? “Sorry, I can’t because of my big fat neck, your Honor.” Nope.  I went into the hallway and pulled and pulled until I was able to fasten that button.

I can only imagine this is what it felt like to be garroted from behind in one of those crime movies. The neck button was holding on for dear life; I could hear it screaming, “You’re hurting me!!!!”  But back into the courtroom I marched, face turning red, oxygen leaving brain, to conduct my court appearance. I’m lucky it lasted only a few minutes, otherwise, I’m sure the neck button would’ve popped and gone shooting off in front of me like some sort of James Bond assassin device.

But, thanks to this blog and a dutiful exercise regimen, my neck is back under control. Today’s junk food: New! Nabisco Dill, Sea Salt, & Olive Oil Triscuits!

The Money Shot

These Triscuits were brought to my attention by a Twitter follower King Rhino. As a huge fan of Triscuits and of dill flavor, I had to find these.  Plus, I hadn’t reviewed any Triscuit snacks in a while.

Pickle on Dill Triscuits? How bold.

The idea of pickle and cream cheese on these Nabisco Dill, Sea Salt, & Olive Oil Triscuits is a tasty one.  I love how Triscuits get all gourmet – they’re friggin’ wheat crackers yet their box always has caviar and the such served on them. If you’re at a party and you’re having caviar on a Triscuit? Well…you’re at the wrong party.  Now excuse me while I take off my snob costume…

Ah, love that soft winter wheat

Spices, including dill? Uh, ok, I’d hope so.

MAKE IT!

See? These Nabisco Dill, Sea Salt, & Olive Oil Triscuits have suggested garnishes of salmon, feta, capers…. PS: THESE LOOK TASTY.

Speckled with dill

Nabisco Dill, Sea Salt, & Olive Oil Triscuits have standard Triscuit look: square crackers, woven wheat texture, with lots of dark green dill speckles. The box, when opened, smelled SLIGHTLY of dill, but not a lot. Time to taste!

Dill-licious

Yummy. These Nabisco Dill, Sea Salt, & Olive Oil Triscuits are as advertised. First, as soon as you put a cracker in your mouth, you get that sour dill flavor.  It goes through the herby, sour, herby, sour progressions, and the flavor of dill is unmistakable.  Then, as you chew, the flavor rounds out nicely with the onion powder to give the cracker as a whole a pleasant savory taste.  Purists will not like that the dill flavor goes away after a few seconds.  I rather like the blend – gives the cracker a little more dimension. Good crunch, slightly salty, and very satisfying.  And to be clear – the flavor of dill, while mixed with a sour flavor, did not remind me of pickle brine.  These crackers were more herbaceous than anything else.

Great product here by Nabisco. Dill me in, anytime.

Comments? Hit me in the comments below or hit me on Twitter @junkfoodguy or on my Facebook Page.

Sincerely, Junk Food Guy