Junk Food Nation, this weekend I’m going to be trying some new things with the site, so bear with me. In the worst scenario (which is the most likely scenario), nothing will change with site.  In the best case scenario, this site will run much faster with optimized links and speed.  Let’s not hold our collective breath, but just wanted to make you aware in case I eff everything up and this blog suddenly vanishes from existence.

Briefly: in the criminal world of things, a lot of news was made over former Governor of Illinois Rod Blagojevich’s sentencing of 14 years in prison for conspiracy and bribery. Locally here in DC, however, was a similar story – a corrupt county executive named Jack Johnson (no, not the singer of Flake) was found guilty and sentenced to seven years on charges of corruption, taking massive bribes and kickbacks, and general stupidity. My first thought in reading this story was, “Kickbacks? For, like, public contracts? That STILL happens?  What is this, the Shawshank Redemption? Is the project manager slipping Jack Johnson a wad of bills in an envelope into an apple pie box?”

Jack Johnson did not have an Andy Dufresne laundering his money; he preferred to hide it all in his house. And when the FBI came to raid the house, Jack Johnson was caught on wiretap telling his wife (also a politician) to rip up a check, flush it down the toilet, and then stuff cash into her panties and bra to escape. Seriously, people you can’t make this stuff up!  Embedding has been disabled on Youtube, so CLICK HERE to see – it’s true comedy, and worth the view/listen.

For today’s junk food, I thought I’d briefly review a bunch of candy found at my local Walgreens, some of which has been around for a while, that I either have eaten in the past or don’t have any particular interest in trying now.  But it’s worth mentioning, since grocery stores and convenience stores have been shoving these holiday treats in our faces since November 1.  So without further ado:

Ghiradelli Peppermint Bark

Ah, Ghiradelli’s Peppermint Bark.  Let me just say this – all peppermint bark is good.  Period. I visited Ghiradelli Square in San Francisco before – it was a chocolate smorgasbord. Like Santa’s Workshop of chocolate. There was a chocolate river, I swear.  It was like Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory – I was licking the walls made of chocolate.  A friend told me to knock it off, that it wasn’t chocolate, but stained oak, and that what I was doing wasn’t sanitary, but I didn’t listen.  The splinters in my tongue were worth it. Anyways, I’ve had this scrumptious treat before, and it was worth the buy, given the high quality of Ghiradelli chocolate.

Andes Candies Peppermint Crunch Thins

Andes Candies??? I haven’t had these since I was a toddler, and some restaurants used to give these as mints at the end of the meal.  I used to steal my dad’s mints all the time. One day he bought a whole pack of Andes from the store and I was bowled over – “THEY SELL THESE TO REGULAR PEOPLE!?”

Andes Candies now have their own peppermint bark, thought they feel compelled to call them “Peppermint Crunch Thins.” Just call them peppermint bark, Andes – you’re making them LESS attractive to eat with your weird euphemisms.

Andes Candies Creme de Menthe

Andres Candies Creme de Menthe!  But…aren’t Andes Candies ORIGINALLY just a chocolate with a layer of mint inside?  So….how are these different? I didn’t bother to find out. (Hint: there is no difference.)

Hersheys Kisses Candy Cane

Hershey’s Kisses are a nice holiday treat, as the little foil drops are festive on their own.  Hershey’s did a nice job with these Kisses; when you unwrap them they appear white twisted with red…visually brilliant, and tasty too. A nice white chocolate and mint flavor, and slightly crunchy with bits of candy cane within. The foil design is very clever too.

Hersheys Kisses Mint Truffle

Mint Truffle Kisses??? Like an Andes Candies reshaped into a kiss form?  How do I know these aren’t just filled with toothpaste?  Yuck…again, I didn’t bother to find out how these tasted.  I really dig the snowflake wrapping foil, nonetheless.

Hersheys Kisses Cherry Cordial

Wait, are Cherry Cordials a holiday thing? And what is a cherry cordial? Is it an old-timey cocktail? “I’ll have a cherry cordial and make it snappy!” Why do I feel like that’s some kind of old person drink, like a hot toddy or something?  I am probably way off base here… anyways, I’m sure these just taste like chocolate and cherry.  Zzzzzzz.

Butterfinger Jingles

Butterfinger Jingles, bell-shaped Butterfingers. These are for sure tasty, because Butterfingers are tasty. The marketing behind this is sort of genius – “make them into bells, people will buy anything!” Yes, yes we will.

Thoughts? Hit me in the comments below or hit me on Twitter @junkfoodguy or on my Facebook Page.

Sincerely, Junk Food Guy