Junk Food Nation, Sunday is here, and anyone who knows me knows this means just one thing: football.  Although I like brunch, it better happen before noon; I don’t jog in the morning, I don’t watch movies, I don’t go shopping – Sunday is Football Fun Day.

So with that in mind, here are my Week 11 picks in the NFL, as I review my two junk foods for this Sunday: Jalapeño Cheddar Chex Mix and Italian Herb & Parmesan Chex Mix! (Picks are going to be straight up money line, meaning just who I think will win – no spreads, etc.)

I’ve reviewed plenty of Chex Mix varieties in my day, and on this blog. I saw these at my local Giant store, and they were two relatively new varieties I hadn’t tried yet.  Documentation was required.

New York Jets @ Denver Broncos: BRONCOS.  Wait, this game happened already?  No matter, my friends know I called this already.  The Jets were coming off a late Sunday loss, going on the road on a short week?  AND Von Miller is a beast?  Plus, I think Mark Sanchez is a busterooney?  It was a no brainer.

Jalapeño Cheddar Chex Mix – I like spice, and I was hoping these would taste like the Jalapeño Cheddar Cheetos or the Spicy Nacho Doritos.

Tampa Bay Bucs @ Green Bay Packers: Are you kidding? Tampa Bay has one of the worst defenses in the league that just got worse with Albert Haynesworth. How’s he supposed to tackle while attached to an oxygen tank? Aaron Rodgers does his discount double-check dance multiple times today.  GREEN BAY.

Why oh why does any “spicy snack” need flames??  This bag is just absurd.  There’s a cut open jalapeño (ooooo) and then fire imagery galore to club the consumer over the head with.  Settin’ yourself up for failure, Chex Mix.

Carolina Panthers @ Detroit Lions: Tough one. Cam Newton is certainly a beast, and Matt Stafford is dinged up with a broken finger.  That said, while Carolina can score, they cannot defend.  They score 28 its, and let in 36.  DETROIT.

Jalapeño Cheddar Chex Mix clearly ran out of things to say in describing their snack.  A flaming rush of tastes and textures?  Textures?  It’s friggin’ Chex Mix!  Lame.

Jacksonville Jaguars @ Cleveland Browns: Ugly game.  Colt McCoy hasn’t been awful, but can you even name two Browns wide receivers?  Greg Little and Joshua Cribbs.  Yes, those are professional athletes.  I think MJD and the surprising Jags defense chalks up a win here.  JACKSONVILLE.

Jalapeño Cheddar Chex Mix at least glows orange and looks spicy, aesthetically.  Upon opening the bag, you definitely got some really good jalapeño pepper smell.  Promising…

Oakland Raiders @ Minnesota Vikings: I know that the Vikes are at home.  I know All-Day Peterson cannot be stopped.  But Carson Palmer looks reborn leading the silver and black.  And Christian Ponder, while playing decently this season as a rookie, still makes mistakes.  A healthy dose of Michael Bush dooms the Purple.  OAKLAND.

Jalapeño Cheddar Chex Mixzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz….. sorry, but I fell asleep due to the lack of new tidbits in this Chex Mix.  It’s chex, crackers, and pretzels…again.  Cmon General Mills!  Can’t we throw in something else for once?  Do a corn chip or something’!

Buffalo Bills @ Miami Dolphins: BUFFFALLLLLLOOOOOOOO! No explanation here – my BILLS take it. Hands down.  Don’t argue.

I took a bite: good jalapeño taste, nice and vegetable-y.  And some pieces had a nice cheddar flavor (the flavor, to be accurate, was inconsistent throughout the bag). Good spice too, for the Chex pieces.  The problem areas: the pretzels and the crackers, obviously.  No spice and no cheddar or pepper flavor.  Taken as a handful, those carb crunches took away from the Chex pieces which were flavored really well.  Overall, this was a C performance – Ok, but clearly not well thought out.  This was Chex taking the same bunch of ingredients it always had and throwing some pepper on it.

Dallas Cowboys @ Washington Redskins: I live here in DC, and I can listen to, watch, and read about the Redskins all week long.  And one thing is for damn sure: They are not good.  They are not a good football team.  DALLAS wins this.

Jalapeño Cheddar Chex Mix / Italian Herb & Parmesan Chex Mix

Italian Herb & Parmesan Chex Mix is the first “Gourmet Blends” mix I’d ever seen.  A classed-up bag, some modern font – intriguing.  We shall see.

Cincinnati Bengals @ Baltimore Ravens: Ok, so Baltimore SHOULD win this one, since they have the offense and the defense.  But of late, they’ve really been spotty in the passing game – you need to pound Ray Rice, and not let up, but they haven’t done that.  And the Benagls played Pittsburgh tough last week.  Still, with no AJ Green today, its hard to see Cincy generating points or stretching the field.  BALTIMORE.

Italian Herb & Parmesan Chex Mix features a bag filled with classy images and sprigs of herbs.  What is this stuff going to start coming in bowls in nice restaurants instead of bread and butter? “Thanks for your orders, I’m gonna have the waiter start you off with some Gourmet Chex Mix.  We’ll be right back with your salads.”

Arizona Cardinals @ San Francisco 49ers: The surprising 49ers are at home and should have no problems dismantling the Cardinals, even if J. Skelton plays well this week.  49ERS.

Um, in your fun description of the snack, I don’t want to read about the fat content.  Blech.

Seattle Seahawks @ St. Louis Rams: RAMS take this, and here’s why – besides playing in St. Louis, Bradford is finally healthy and gaining back his rapport with the offense.  Steven jackson is running well, and Seattle has more injuries than the 2011 Red Sox.  Those injuries include the entire right side of the O-Line, so Marshawn Lynch’s BEAST MODE will be stuffed this week.  By the way, Tavaris Jackson is still Tavaris Jackson.  RAMS.

This Chex Mix smelled…well, like nothing.  Did you guys forget to put seasoning on this stuff?  I can smell a SLIGHT whiff of something…but its not discernible.  Hmm.

Tennessee Titans @ Atlanta Falcons: The Falcons SHOULD win this, and if they don’t, they are in trouble. After mortgaging their draft this past off-season for Julio Jones, the Dirty Birds have not lived up to the hype.  This is the one game I could see going either way…but I’ll play it safe and say FALCONS just because I think Matt Hasselback is old.

Ok, do you see any seasoning here?  Barely?  Yeah I thought so too.  WTF, General Mills?  Gourmet shouldn’t mean scaled back.  There is no such thing as subtlety in snack food.

San Diego Chargers @ Chicago Bears: Newsflash – the Bears are good.  Like, really good.  I think they could be a contenda.  Also, newsflash – Philip Rivers just hasn’t been the same this season.  13 TDs and 15 INTs?  Bad bad bad.  BEARS.

SOME pieces of the Chex Mix were doused with Parmesan cheese and were flecked a little with green, but this is all lining up to be bland.  I worry about any Chex Mix where the Chex themselves look to be set up to fail.

Philly Eagles @ New York Giants: Vince Young.  That’s all I’m gonna say.  Vince Young. GIANTS.

One bite and I was right – I don’t think I’ve ever tasted a bland Chex Mix before like this one.  I mean, it was astonishing..some handfuls tasted like there was NO seasoning at all!  I hate this mix!  Only when I sometimes found a piece of Chex like the one pictured above did I get just the slightest cheesy flavor – otherwise, this mix was devoid of any punch or wow.  It was just cereal mixed with pretzels and crackers. Really not good.  I did not like this one at all.  Sorry, GM – Gourmet, my ass.

Kansas City Chiefs @ New England Patriots: Tyler Palko is the second coming of Brodie Croyle. By the way, that’s not a good thing.  PATRIOTS take this, I’m guessing by like five touchdowns.  Ugly game for a Monday night.

So there you have it!  Two pretty bad snacks and a list of picks!  Happy Football Sunday!

Thoughts?  Tell me in the comments below or hit me on Twitter @junkfoodguy or on my Facebook Page.

Sincerely, Junk Food Guy