JFG Nation, the bagel place that the JFGal and I frequent always has three meat options for bagel sandwiches: bacon, ham, and sausage. Bacon, ham, sausage. BACON. HAM. SAUSAGE. And I realized recently: MOST breakfast places only give you these three options on a breakfast sandwich. Sure, you could find the rare place that serves you scrapple and eggs, but these three are the mainstays. So – how would you rank them? For me:

SAUSAGE IS #1: I mean, it has to be. A sausage patty is shaped JUST LIKE a bagel, roll, whatever the breakfast sandwich is made of. The breakfast sausage spices. The burst of meaty fat drool that oozes with every bite. The tough meaty chewiness that plays perfectly with the light egg. SAUSAGE IS THE FLAVOR MAKER WITHIN A BREAKFAST SANDWICH.

*Note: Sausage goes to the very end when someone attempts to put links or some sort of split kielbasa in breakfast sandwich. YOU MONSTERS.

FINE, Bacon is #2: Yes, yes, we get it. EVERYONE LOVES BACON, we know. I’m a big fan – my friend Joe saw me eat a heaping plate of it for brunch once because I never got to have it as a kid and I was bewildered by the wondrous meat flats that were in the dining hall. But bacon on a breakfast sandwich is NOT my favorite. First, some sandwiches tend to make the bacon soggy, which defeats the purpose of bacon. I don’t want floppy bacon – I want crispy bacon, damnit. But if it’s crispy enough to hold up to the egg and cheese, it’s usually TOO crispy, i.e. burnt. Getting perfect bacon on an egg sandwich is such a balancing act. I’ve only had a perfect bacon egg cheese sandwich once on a bage;, and a sherpa had to take me there. It was somewhere in Greenpoint, Brooklyn. Yeah I know – might as well be Mars.

Ham is the worst: I’m sorry, but it is. Ham is probably the safest of the three meats, since it’s so simple, and easy to cut into ANY shape for convenience, but it’s boring. It’s not crispy, it’s not overly flavorful, it’s not smoky. The only thing ham has going for it is that it’s salty and is sort of pink. Wait, who gives an ish about what color the meat is, you say? I AGREE. Boo ham.

Honorable mention: PORK ROLL. Yes, I love bologna replacements on my egg sandwiches sometimes. WANNA FIGHT ABOUT IT.

So, for YOU, JFG Nation: WHICH BREAKFAST PORK REIGNS SUPREME? Let me know in the comments below.

Today’s junk food: Doritos Heat Wave BBQ Chips!!

For more information on the Heat Wave Dorito trend, see my post about the Chipotle Cream ones from last Friday. BBQ is the second flavor in the lineup. Let’s go!

DO THESE TASTE GOOD? Yes.

WHY OR WHY NOT? These taste JUST LIKE Fritos Flavor Twists:

These Doritos are Honey BBQ flavored, with all the notes of sweetness and smokiness that you’d expect from a BBQ chip.

Then the heat comes, and I’ll repeat what I said of the previous flavor, “These were definitely spicy. I see where they’ve been hiding all of the spices from the past Doritos Roulette…” The BBQ doesn’t hide the spiciness as well as the Chipotle Cream version, so these chips definitely have a surprisingly strong spice kick. These have a burn.

LOVED these. Tastes just like Fritos Flavor Twists, Plus it ends with spice??? WINNER WINNER CHICKEN DINNER.

Will buy these again. Mark it.

ANYTHING ELSE I SHOULD KNOW? Doritos, for your next Heat Wave flavor, you GOTTA do the Sweet Chili Thai ones – I want some of the genuine Thai spice!

PURCHASED AT: Walmart, Germantown, MD.

WHERE FOUND IN STORE? Chip aisle.

COST? $2.98 on sale.

Sincerely,

The JFG