Just a quick post today, because it’s Friday Friday, gotta get down on Friday.

Sometime last year I was watching TV, and an ad for this (below) came on.

Wait...what is thi*...good god!

WHAT WHAT WHAT!?  That’s right, KFC was releasing its newest product, the KFC Double Down.  What it is: two big fried breasts of chicken; in between are two slices of cheese, crispy bacon, and the Colonel’s Secret Sauce (sketch).  The motto?  Paraphrased, “So much chicken, there was no room for the bun.” WOW.  Just when I thought fast food has plateau-ed in creativity, KFC says “You know how burger places are offering their burgers wrapped in lettuce to make them healthier?  Well, let’s do the EXACT OPPOSITE. F*CK CONVENTION – LET’S PUT BACON IN BETWEEN THE TWO PIECES OF CHICKEN AND WRAP IT LIKE AN ICE CREAM CONE!”

Of course, your friendly neighborhood Junk Food Guy ran right out and bought one.  Here’s what ensued that salty, greasy day, over a year ago:

Deconstructing the DD

Immediately after purchasing the KFC Double Down, I opened up the package to see if it really looked like the picture in the commercials.  It didn’t.  As you can see from the picture above, the reality was very underwhelming. Two HUGE pieces of fried chicken, yes – but the cheese was just flopped on there, and the bacon looked sadder than Chris Bosh after losing the 2011 NBA Finals.  Want a closer look?

Thanks for the effort, KFC

Look, I know its fast food.  I know the operative word is USUALLY fast.  But would it KILL you to just zap the “sandwich” for like 30 seconds?  Melt the cheese down, crisp up the bacon?  Don’t throw me this weak poultry and pretend like I won’t notice!  I can wait a minute longer to have this mistake of nature come out right.

The dollop of sauce coming off the side is really emblematic of the flaws of the KFC Double Down as a whole – lazy execution.  Did the Colonel have a spasm with his Secret Sauce gun, and that’s why I have sauce drooling off the side of the meat?  I’m not a chef here, BUT HOW HARD CAN THIS BE TO MAKE?

But whatever. I put the sandwich back together, and raised it up to view the finished product in all its glory:

finally...The Money Shot

Amazingly, the sandwich was pretty heavy.   It was crispy (and greasy) on the outside for sure, and relatively hot (still not an excuse for not melting the cheese).  I felt like I’d waited all my life to taste this. After readying with a stack of napkins the size of a small bible, I opened my mouth and took a big bite…

Bite-by-heart-clogging-bite

One bite, and my mouth instantly filled with grease and salt.  GREASE AND SALT.  HOLY.  COW.

Salty salty salty.  I mean, it tasted good – it’s fried chicken, for god’s sake.  The stacking of two filets isn’t rocket science.  Crunchy on the outside, and good and meaty inside – no overdone breading, just pure KFC standard crispness.

You do get the creamy tang of the sauce along with the creamy accent of the flimsy cheese.  And the bacon, somehow, still tasted salty amidst the tongue bath of sodium and grease in my mouth.

But yes – like wringing a sponge, my teeth, compressing on the ridges of the KFC Double Down, managed to squeeze out a bonanza of oil, salt, and chicken flavor.  I was a little scared.

As I gulped down each bite, bit by bit, thoughts ran through my head, “What have I done?” “Will I make it home before I fall into a food coma?” “I hope no one saw me scarf this down in the parking lot of the KFC.”

Would I eat this again?  ….I’m on the fence.

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So what do you think, friends?  Would you like me only to review fast food establishments on Fridays?  Let me know in the comments below.  Thanks!  Follow me @junkfoodguy to see what’s up.

Sincerely, Junk Food Guy