Junk Food Nation, I live in a city where the subway doesn’t always let off on the same side – there are exit doors on each side of the train car.  Depending on which stop you’re at, sometimes the doors open to let people onto a central platform, and sometimes the doors open to let people off onto a side platform. Having lived in DC for ten years, I know which stops open to which sides of the subway car.

I like to stand right next to subway doors while the train is moving, with my back to them – I’ll sit if I can, but generally, I stand. I have a mental routine where I shift out of the way during subway movement between stops in order to get out of the way for exiting passengers at the next stop.

Now if you’re a tourist, I get it – you’re not supposed to know how the subway works, which stops open to which side, etc.  But it tilts me when I’m standing next the train doors, having shifted to the opposite side of where the next stop lets off, and someone who is clearly NOT a tourist – carrying a work bag, wearing a government ID – gets up, comes up to the doors in anticipation and faces the wrong side exit doors. Why does it tilt me?  Because in doing so, this person is standing two inches from my body, FACING ME as the train is pulling into the station.

And usually they have a pissy look on their face that I haven’t shifted to let them off.  They clear their throats as they stare right at me.  I’ve had a few people actually tell me, “I’m getting off at the next stop.” Um, that’s nice. The doors open behind you, jackass.

Inevitably, the train pulls into the station, the doors open with a loud chime behind them, and it takes them two beats to hear people shuffling behind them, turn their heads, and realize what’s going on.  I don’t get it – when the train pulled to a stop, and you saw through the train doors a brick wall, where did you think you were going to go?  Through the wall onto The Platform 9 ¾ and catch another train to Hogwarts?

More after the jump.  Today’s Junk Food: Zapp’s Spicy Creole Tomato Potato Chips Spiked with Tabasco!

The Money Shot

Zapp’s Spicy Creole Tomato Potato Chips Spiked with Tabasco is just one of the many flavors Zapp’s, a Louisiana potato chip company, puts out.  Zapp’s potato chips is another one of those chip brands you see at sandwich shops, with a multitude of flavors.  And Zapp’s is doing it right: they have Spicy Cajun Crawtaters chips, Cajun Dill Gator-taters chips, Voodoo chips, New Orleans Saints WHO DAT? chips, and a slew of college branded chips (LSU, Texas A&M, and Texas University chips).

Super 2 oz!

Is 2 ounces a super size for these chips? I guess it is…I guess.  I like how the apostrophe on this bag is a crawfish.  I also like how they don’t even really bother putting down the word Tabasco, as if to see “these are just chips spiked with…well… YOU see what it is.”

Tiled Wallpaper

The slew of Tabasco logos tiling the background of the bag is making my eyes hurt…still, you can’t beat bluntness – Zapp’s chips are tastier and crunchier and they’re gonna let you know it.  The only thing missing is the little drops from the Tabasco bottle splattering on the top of the text box.

Wait, it's spelled...Zappe??

What do you think a custom designed fryer is?  Like…a really big one?

I want that phone number

1-800-HOT-CHIP is the best phone number ever.  And who still has a PHONE mail order system???? Zapp’s, you kray kray.

Looks crunchy!

Speckled with red glistening powder!

Red flake

Zapp’s Spicy Creole Tomato Potato Chips Spiked with Tabasco were standard looking kettle chips, curly and folded over.  They were all covered with red powder, which makes sense given the Tabasco.

I crunched a few and was pleased.  The flavor of the chip – solid.  Standard chip, thin sliced but crunchy as a result of the kettle cooking.  The flavor – slightly sweet but very tangy, like a tomato.  The Tabasco did accent the flavor of the tomato, and gave a slight burn at the back of the mouth.  Actually, oddly enough, even though the chip wasn’t all that spicy, parts of my tongue went numb for a moment here and there as I ate the chips.  Weirdest sensation.

All in all, a nice pleasantly spicy chip.  Not the spiciest chip I’ve ever tasted, didn’t taste like Buffalo Wing sauce – just a tangy, spicy chip.  Good stuff.

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So now whenever someone gets up to face the wrong exit doors and, in doing so, face ME as the train pulls into the station, I just try to mess with them.  I’ll move out of the way, so they can have the first position facing outwards at the wrong train doors.  Then I move to stand right behind them facing their backs.  That way, when they realize those doors are not going to open and turn to exit out the RIGHT doors – I’m standing right there, facing them again.  That way, I can give them one last disapproving condescending look before I let them by.  Ah, the little joys in life.

Thoughts? Tell me in the comments below or hit me on Twitter @junkfoodguy or on my Facebook Page.

Sincerely, Junk Food Guy