Junk Food Nation, I hope you had a great weekend. Mine FLEW by, what with Mother’s Day, Actor Sis birthday, Wizards games, sunshine-y weather in DC, and a Furious 7 viewing occupying all of my hours. (Sidenote:  I had my plans SET…and then the Hard Rock Cafe here in DC reached out to me with this press release:

For the first time ever, Hard Rock Cafe Washington, DC gives guests a backstage pass to sample Local Legendary™ Burger offerings, showcasing the flavor and ingredients at Hard Rock locations across the globe as part of its new World Burger Tour menu. These unique burger “acts” from three continents will take center stage at Hard Rock Cafe Washington, DC beginning on Friday, May 1 through Tuesday, June 30, 2015.

I had to find out more, so on Saturday night, the Junk Food Gal and I set off for the Hard Rock Cafe DC…

Now, I haven’t been to a Hard Rock Cafe in forever. Like, since I was in high school. Collecting and wearing Hard Rock Cafe stuff was a rite of passage – when I was 15 years old. When I think Hard Rock Cafe, I think of general bar/restaurant atmosphere, rock n’ roll music, and hoards of tourists. Until I read the press release, I really didn’t know that there were Hard Rock Cafes EVERYWHERE, in all countries/continents. Check this link out. There’s a Hard Rock Cafe in Fiji? Do they listen to Mumford and Sons there?

The Hard Rock Cafe DC was decorated as I’d expected – lots of music memorabilia mixed with local DC flare. We sat right below the “EMBASSY OF ROCK AND ROLL” sign. Music videos blared from the flat screen TVs; both the Junk Food Gal and I noticed that no matter where you sat, you had a perfect view of an HD flatscreen showing the music video of whatever song was playing overhead.

True to form, this Hard Rock Cafe DC was PACKED. Plus, there seemed to be entrances/exits everywhere. We watched as a group of maybe 40 European tourists came streaming down from an upstairs dining room, winding their way through the dining tables in the back, and out a back door that seemed located by the bathrooms. They disappeared. WHERE DID THAT DOOR GO? That large group was soon replaced by an even LARGER group of what looked like 50 teenage high school students appearing from that same backdoor heading up the stairs to another dining area. It was like a game of Centipede, as that winding group cut off another family of 14 that was being led in from the front entrance. For a place that I’d never been to in my 14 years in DC, this place was hoppin’.

Thinking back to my younger years, I wondered “did people still want Hard Rock Cafe souvenirs?” The JFGal and I were actually seated by the gift shop, and there was a never ending parade of people in and out of that area, with large bags in tow. I guess that answers that. Looking around, it was clear that many diners were tourists – people wearing FBI T-shirts, chains with the Presidential Seal as the emblem, large loud glittery flag pins.

However, our awesome waitress Alexis explained to us that HRC_DC was trying to tweak its image a bit and offer itself up as a spot for locals as well. She touted its happy hour, which had $3 drafts and $5 cocktails. And, of course, the new food offerings, bringing flavors from outside DC to the Nation’s Capital. Oh yeah, the burgers! The reason why we were there…let’s get to more of the press release:

Some important info:

Hard Rock gives chefs at their cafes the freedom to create a unique Legendary Burger that captures the local flavors of their city and is only available at that cafe location…until now! More than 150 local burgers were evaluated by Hard Rock’s culinary team, with fan favorites selected to star on a limited-time World Burger Tour menu.  These four burgers will be featured at Hard Rock Cafe Washington, DC in addition to its unique Local Legendary, The Washington Press, featuring two beef patties, Hard Rock’s famous pulled pork, tangy barbeque sauce, and Monterey Jack cheese. From the Chamorro Burger in Guam, featuring house-made Chamorro glaze, the Schnitzel Burger in Germany, featuring two stacks of tender pork schnitzel, Hard Rock’s Local Legendary Burgers are packing their bags (or buns) and heading out to Hard Rock Cafes across the country, with a special stop at Hard Rock Cafe Washington, DC!

More about what we’d be eating:

Sizzling headliners that will be featured at Hard Rock Café Washington, DC as part of Hard Rock Cafe’s World Burger Tour menu include:

• Schnitzel Burger – this German Legendary features two stacks of tender pork schnitzel lightly breaded and made crispy to order, topped with crunchy sauerkraut, spicy brown mustard and savory bacon
• The Bosphorus Burger – this Turkish Legendary features a Certified Angus Beef® patty topped with homemade eggplant salad, fresh and flavorful haydari sauce and pickle slices
• The Andean Burger – this Bolivian Legendary features a Certified Angus Beef patty topped with tender avocado slices, a fried egg, melted Cheddar cheese and garlic mayonnaise
• Chamorro Burger – this Southern Pacific Legendary features a Certified Angus Beef patty topped with house-made Chamorro glaze, chili paste and spicy Pepper Jack cheese

Local Legendary Burgers are served with lettuce, tomato and paired with the ultimate sidekick – Hard Rock’s Savory Artisan french fries. Throughout the World Burger Tour, each French fry selection is paired with a complementary signature dipping sauce. Guests in select markets can choose from Hard Rock’s classic seasoned french fries or additional new offerings, including Chili Seasoned Fries with Chipotle Garlic Ketchup, Parmesan Romano Fries with Garlic Aioli and Herb and Garlic Fries with Chimichurri Mayo.

So which one did we get? WE GOT ALL OF THEM.

Hard Rock Cafe DC, you’ve presented me a challenge…and I’ve accepted. Here we go, as the Junk Food Guy and Junk Food Gal plow through five burgers. let’s begin…

BURGER 1: The Bolivian “Andean Burger”

Junk Food Guy’s Review: We tried this burger first because of the egg. It’s all about the egg. If it was a runny egg, we’d wanna crack that sucker open before it became cooked in its own heat. When we sliced the burger open….no runny egg! Boo. Still, nice colorful cross section, with the avocado and the tomato. The burger was a little on the dry side…decent smokey flavor, but, honestly, I felt like I’d had this burger before. Avocado wasn’t anything new, and while the egg added some richness, it wasn’t “new.” Good flame grilled flavor on the beef, though. Good burger, but matched expectation – didn’t wow me, but wouldn’t kick it out of bed.

Junk Food Gal’s Review: I was excited to try this burger because of the EGG!!  I’ve previously had eggs on burgers, and have even tried my hand at putting an egg on a burger.  My favorite part, as the JFG says above, is the RUNNY part.  But while this burger was tasty, and had the creamy factor from the avocado, it was really missing the runny egg yolk that I expected.  All in all, tasty, creamy deliciousness, but not what I expected.

Junk Food Guy: Yes, she just referred to me as the JFG. My life is ridiculous…in a good way.

“BURGER” 2: The German “Schniztel Burger”

Junk Food Guy’s Review: This “burger” came next – but it wasn’t a burger at all. Pork Schnitzel is basically pork loin that has been pounded flat and then breaded and fried to a crisp. In other words, pork Schnitzel is delicious. I LOVE it. Thin breaded fried meat? What’s not to love? These pork patties were quite thick, unlike any schniztel I’d eaten, but fried well, nonetheless – they had a wonderful crust/texture. Two layers?? You kidding me? The flavor of the pork was great, as was the CRUNCH. The sauerkraut added nice acidity, and the bacon tied it together. Good salt/sour balance. Bonus: Pretzel bun and spicy mustard sauce. I felt like I was at Oktoberfest.

Junk Food Gal’s Review: Not a burger?? Are you kidding me?  Bun? Check.  Meat?  Check.  Cheese…? Okay, no check.  But this BURGER was the SHIZZZZZ YO!!!  The pretzel bun was easy to bite through. The schnitzel, while not pounded down to a thin flatness, was still delicious, juicy, and flavorful.  I took a bite, not really knowing what to expect, and was delightfully wow’d!  Especially when I tasted the sauerkraut right in between the perfectly breaded schnitzel.  The spicy mustard dipping sauce must have had a dash of horseradish or something because it had a kick to it that went perfectly well with this beauty of a BURGER.  YUM!

Junk Food Guy: SHIZZZZ is in our vernacular.

BURGER 3: The DC “Washington Press”

Junk Food Guy’s Review: DC’s Local Legendary Burger was a two patty cheeseburger with pulled pork in between, BBQ sauce, jack cheese, and lettuce/tomato. It didn’t come as messy as the picture two pics above looks – I spread open the stack so you could see the meaty insides. From the cross section you can see the patties were cooked to a perfect medium rare – nice and pink. When I bit into this meat stack, I thought it was well balanced – nothing was dry, the cheese worked well with the meaty overtones, but the BBQ sauce was a little weak. I dunno – for some reason when I thought pulled pork I thought this would be dripping with sweet BBQ sauce from Memphis. Nope – the whole thing was just a big smokey meaty bite. Not bad, but not what I was expecting. When I tried some of the pulled pork by itself – REALLY REALLY good. Nice job on that, HRC. The pork basically got muted by the two stack of beef, but for those craving meat in between two other meats, this is for you.

Junk Food Gal’s Review: I must agree: the pulled pork in this burger was the highlight. Juicy, perfect seasoning, and tender.  It was on point!  What I found a bit intriguing was that the two textures: a more sturdy burger patty and a loose pulled pork…  I was okay with that, but I would have liked a firmer bun as a contrast to the overall softness of the entire burger.  Overall, good flavor, not dry, but could have used a firmer bun for texture contrast.

Junk Food Guy: I added some Chipotle mayo to the burger, and it really kicked it up even more. This was a tasty burger, for sure.

BURGER 4: Guam’s “Chamorro Burger”

Junk Food Guy’s Review: Ok, so I wasn’t sure what to expect with this burger. I have no idea what Chamorro glaze is. All I saw was that this burger came with a big thick dark brown/red sauce that sort of had the consistency of applesauce and tasted like….BBQ sauce? Mole? It was actually surprisingly tasty – the burger already had glaze on it but I decided to go for gusto and smother this puppy in the glaze. What resulted – AMAZINGLY flavorful bite. The sauce, this glaze, whatever it was, was a WINNER.  Sweet, smoky, full of smoked chili flavor but also basically tasted like a well crafted BBQ sauce. Combined with the burger and the pepperjack cheese?? Home run. One of my favorite burgers of the night.

Junk Food Gal’s Review: The best part of this burger was definitely the smoky sauce/glaze that came with this burger.  The sauce was thick and smoky like a BBQ sauce, but had some spicy notes to it.  I was a little scared when the JFG decided to dump the sauce all over the burger since I’m not a huge BBQ sauce fan, but I’m very happy that he did because he’s right: the sauce/glaze was most definitely a WINNER.  The bun was also a little sweet, which only added to flavor of the sauce.  The pepper jack was also killer.  This was one of the stand-outs of the night, for sure.

Junk Food Guy: We used five napkins a piece on this burger alone.

BURGER 5: Turkey’s “Bosphorus Burger”

Junk Food Guy’s Review: The key to the Bosphorus Burger was the eggplant salad and the haydari yogurt sauce. Combined, they reminded me of a Baba ghanoush ….thick with Middle Eastern spices. The burger itself was seasoned in such a way that it reminded me of Kobeeda – the tubes of cooked ground beef that I get at my local kabob joint. I know that description sounded weird, but kabob eaters – I know ya feel me. That spiced beef with the eggplant and the yogurt all went together nicely – it was a Middle Eastern flavor explosion. I didn’t even remember the lettuce and tomato – this basically reminded me of a kabob wrapped in bread. Slightly dry, but the yogurt helped. I liked it a lot.

Junk Food Gal’s Review: This is the burger that I was most curious about… Mostly because I had no clue what this would taste like.  Well, it’s a TON of Middle Eastern spices – which I love!  However, for whatever reason, the eggplant, beef, spices, and yogurt sauce didn’t shine like they should when you mix those ingredients together.  I liked the haydari yogurt sauce by itself, and I liked the eggplant salad by itself, but for me, putting it on a burger patty did not harmonize well.

Each burger came with a little tin of seasoned fries. We basically had two fries from each of our five tins, and we were spent. Done. Kaput. Here’s a look at some of the aftermath:

SO MANY SMALL TUBS OF CHIPOTLE MAYO. I could drink that stuff. I had taken my photos, mentally recorded my notes, and was ready to leave, when our waitress Alexis stopped us: “You have to try our new Artisan fries. It’s too late, I already put the order in.” THE NEW FRIES – I forgot about those. And before we knew it, the manager Chris brought them out to us:

MY GOD, HARD ROCK DC, YOU’RE TRYING TO FATTEN US UP I KNOW IT. Still, who am I to turn down fresh cut fries flavored three different ways? We loosened our belts one more notch, and…

FRENCH FRY 1: Herb and Garlic Fries with Chimichurri Mayo

Junk Food Guy’s Review: These were called the Urban Garlic. Maybe I was missing something here. The fries themselves were tasty, but I couldn’t figure out the garlic. These instead tasted like they had a bunch of different herbs on them, with an emphasis on dill? The dipping sauce was almost like a tzatziki – a dill yogurt ranch-like sauce that punched up the dill herbaciousness a LOT. There was definitely some garlic flavor. Good, but confusing to me. What’s so urban about garlic?

Junk Food Gal’s Review: WAIT?! “URBAN Garlic?!” These were called HERB and garlic.  Did those two Corona Lites you had during dinner hurt your hearing and taste buds, JFG?? These were most definitely HERB fries with garlic all up in there.  I thought these tasted best when accompanied by the very dill-flavored dipping sauce.  The dipping sauce kind of tasted like a sour cream with a very distinct green pepper and dill flavor.  When you try these, you have to have them with the dipping sauce.  They’re best together.

Junk Food Guy: ….OMG, I’m a moron. Herb and Garlic. Urban Garlic.

…

Well, GOOD NIGHT FOLKS! *runs away*

FRENCH FRY 2: Chili Seasoned Fries with Chipotle Garlic Ketchup

Junk Food Guy’s Review: These were the Southwest fries! Really tasty – I can’t pinpoint the seasoning, but it basically reminded me of the flavor of Arby’s curly fries – just a nice red pepper blend. The tomato jam/ketchup that came with it had some heat and some red pepper flake, so the dipping sauce definitely had a kick. Pretty straightforward and REALLY tasty. Just good seasoned fries with a tiny bit of sweet smoky heat.

Junk Food Gal’s Review: I can’t really pinpoint the seasoning either, but it was delicious either way.  The tomato jam with red pepper flake was damn good on its own.  I wanted to take a spoon and go to town on that thing – except for the fact that I had already eaten so many burgers… But, of course, I stretch my stomach for you, lovely JFG fans, so I happily scarfed down many of these Southwest seasoned fries 🙂  Actually, now that I think about it, the seasoning kind of reminded me of a dry meat rub… All in all, damn good.

FRENCH FRY 3: Parmesan Romano Fries with Garlic Aioli

Junk Food Guy’s Review: These Parmesan fries came paired with a garlicky mayo, which made the whole Urban Garlic fry thing REALLY confusing for me. Why the heck wasn’t the garlicky mayo with the garlic fries??? Whatever the case – these were really really really tasty. Sprinkled with parmesan cheese, these fries were so hot that they started to melt the parm. The cheese clumped, which was oh so good. On the fries, the parm cheese flavor really popped. Perfect savoriness with just the right amount of salt. With the garlic aioli – brilliant.

Junk Food Gal’s Review: HOLY JEBUS!!  These Parm fries were drop-the-mic fantastic! They had the perfect fried crunch, nice and salty and creamy from the parm.  And then there’s the dipping sauce.  I don’t think it was a mayo… It tasted more like a ranch-base, kicked up A LOT with garlic (ain’t nuthin wrong wit dat!), and some parm in the dipping sauce.  These were the show-stopper fries of the night.  I kept coming back to these, thinking DEM FRIES THO’!!!  Hands down, loved ’em.

Junk food Guy: *still reeling over the whole Herb and Garlic vs. Urban Garlic* (muttering to self): “Holy crap, was it herb and garlic the whole time????”

Two plus hours later, we were DONE. You had to roll us out of there. The sun had already set. We food-coma-stumbled all the way to the subway.

So, my take on the World Burger Tour? It’s a great idea. As someone who has eaten a LOT of burgers, I have my preferences – In N Out, City Burger, etc. Food stops that make burgers will always have competition, and the Hard Rock Cafe is no different. Pretty good burgers with good flame grilled flavor, HRC had to find a way to distinguish itself if it wanted to be a destination spot for locals, and I think these international burger combos are exactly the type of thing they needed to do. If the HRC has plans to rotate even more international burgers through the area, I’d definitely go back to see what’s up. In terms of the burgers and fries we had, here are the JFGal’s and my final rankings:

Junk Food Guy’s Burger Ranking: 
1. The German Schnitzel Burger,
2. The Guam Chammorro Burger,
3. The DC Washington Press Burger,
4. The Turkey Bosphorus Burger,
5. The Bolivian Andean Burger

Junk Food Gal’s Burger Ranking:
1. The German Schnitzel Burger,
2. The Guam Chammorro Burger,
3. The DC Washington Press Burger,
4. The Bolivian Andean Burger,
5. The Turkey Bosphorus Burger

Junk Food Guy’s Fries Ranking:
1. The Southwest Fries,
2. The Parm Fries,
3. The Urban Garlic Fries

Junk Food Gal’s Fries Ranking: 
1. The Parm Fries,
2. The HERB and Garlic,
3. The Southwest Fries

Hard Rock DC, you did us right. We’d definitely come back for the Schniztel and the Chamorro. Special thanks to Chris, Alexis, and my contact Jordan for making this gluttonous night happen. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some workouts to do…

EATEN AT: Hard Rock Cafe, Washington, DC. World Burger Tour there NOW until 6/30/15.

Thoughts? Please comment below or hit me up on Twitter @junkfoodguy or LIKE my Facebook Page and message me there. I also have Google+!! Let’s hang out.

Sincerely,

Junk Food Guy