Junk Food Nation, what up. Can we talk about stupid criminals? Let’s do it.

First, an Illinois woman apparently stole clothing and jewelry from a boutique store, including a very distinct rainbow-ish colored leopard print dress.  The store posted about the stolen items on their Facebook page, mentioning the dress. Now, you’d think this would be a dead end. I mean, how the heck would social media help a store recover stolen items, right? …wait, what’s that? Danielle Saxton, the female who stole the dress, posted selfies of herself on her OWN Facebook page, WEARING the distinct dress?

Yes, yes she did. She even captioned the photos “LOVE MY DRESS.” Nice job, Danny Ocean. Apparently, “people who saw Williams’ posting and those of Saxton made the connection and helped police.” She’s been arrested.

But is she stupider than this woman: a Florida woman stole a credit card and tried to use it to buy some goods from a beauty store. Then she POSED FOR A PICTURE WITH THE STOLEN CARD when the clerk, suspicious that the woman did not have a photo ID, asked to take a picture of her.  If you’re the thief, here’s what you don’t do: YOU DON’T AGREE TO THE PICTURE.  Seriously? I feel like that’s Crime 101 – don’t document your presence! Get in, get out, chuck the card, and run. And she was striking a pose and smiling in the photo too? Holy hell – THIS AIN’T COACHELLA.  Police are still looking for her.

What happened to the good old days, when bank robbers wore black turtlenecks and knit caps and masks? Carried large bags of money with dollar signs, tip toeing out to their get away car?  Now we have people grab sh*t and posting it on Instagram?  Sigh… social media ruins everything.

So who was dumber?  Let me know in the comments below.

Today’s junk food: Lance Bacon Cheddar BOLDS Cracker Sandwiches!

Lance Bacon Cheddar BOLDS Cracker Sandwiches: The Money Shot

These Lance Bacon Cheddar BOLDS Cracker Sandwiches have been out for a while, but for the LONGEST time I couldn’t find them on sale anywhere.  I saw them only sold in packs of 6-8, and didn’t know if I’d like them enough to eat THAT MANY cracker sandwiches.  So I avoided…until Doctor Sis picked these up with a coupon and gave me this Bacon Cheddar pack. Perfect.

Lance Bacon Cheddar BOLDS Cracker Sandwiches: Bacon!

Lance BOLDS, in addition to this Bacon Cheddar flavor, comes in pizza and buffalo wing flavor too.  You know it’s been a long time since I’ve had a cracker sandwich…I just remember being younger and NOT UNDERSTANDING AT ALL those orange cheese crackers with peanut butter in between.  That was decades ago.

Lance Bacon Cheddar BOLDS Cracker Sandwiches: 190 per package

Lance Bacon Cheddar BOLDS Cracker Sandwiches: ingredients

Lance Bacon Cheddar BOLDS Cracker Sandwiches: Little bits embedded

Opening this package of Lance Bacon Cheddar BOLDS Cracker Sandwiches, I could smell immediately a very heavy smoky smell. It reminded me of bacon, but was more smoke than anything else.  Smelled pretty good, actually – there was also a small cheese smell.  If you’ve ever had one of those holiday smoked cheddar balls, that’s basically what this smelled like.

Lance Bacon Cheddar BOLDS Cracker Sandwiches: close up

While the ingredient list to these Lance Bacon Cheddar BOLDS Cracker Sandwiches wasn’t the easiest to photograph, listed among it was “imitation bacon bits” which I can only assume is what is embedded in the cracker.  The orange cheese squirted through the open holes.

Tasting the cheese by itself, it was like dried Cheez Whiz, which to some of you might be a good thing.  I’m neutral on that – very strong cheddar cheese flavor that had been cut with maybe some general American Cheese flavor. Definite smoke added to the cheese as well.

The crackers themselves were sort of dry – not buttery like a Ritz.  Crispy though.  Crunching the whole thing together, the flavor was predictable, and, to my surprise, not bad.  Not gonna win any gourmet food shows, but if you’re the type (like me) that sometimes just likes to sit down with a sleeve of crackers and a big block of cheese? Then these hit some pretty good notes.

The basic cracker mouthful was cheesy and smoky and had some small hints of bacon flavor. Everything tasted sort of artificial, but honestly, it wasn’t that bad. My biggest complaint was just that it was all a bit dry – the crackers could use some oil.

So yeah. Not bad, Lance. I came in with sort of low expectations, and you exceeded them.

PURCHASED AT: I’ve seen them everywhere, but you can get them online here.

COST: Looks like they retail for around $5 for a 6-pack…I’ve seen them in stores for around $4.

Thoughts? Please comment below or hit me up on Twitter @junkfoodguy or LIKE my Facebook Page and message me there. I also have Google+!! Let’s hang out.

Sincerely,

Junk Food Guy