Junk food Nation, zup.  It’s hump day.

1) I woke up today to read this story: “An inflatable bounce house, a.k.a. a bounce castle, flew 50 feet into the air in upstate New York yesterday, seriously injuring two children. Three kids were inside at the time, the South Glens Falls Post-Star reports, but fell out when the unstable structure was about 15 feet high.”

HOLY S*. And this was the photo accompanying the story:

UM, WTF. THAT. IS. CRAZY. That thing is AIRBORNE. The article continued: “The three kids, ages 5, 6, and 10, fell out of the toy. The two boys were seriously injured. The girl suffered minor scrapes and bruises….Parents say one boy landed on a parked car, the other landed on asphalt.”

Good Lord.  I checked around to make sure this story wasn’t fake, and its not. Let me tell you what, I always KNEW that bouncing houses were death traps!  I mean, when you’re inside one, it’s hard to get out, and the air doesn’t MOVE. You’re getting asphyxiated by little kid breath!  Plus, the RUG BURN! THE RUG BURN!  That alone is enough for me to make me want to stay away.  But if I was in a bouncing house, and suddenly a gust of wind came and took me away like Dorothy and Toto??? There’d be more than ME falling out of that house. There’d be some liquid. Coming out of my pants.

2) After THAT delightful story, I turned over to food news for a pick me up, and saw this one: “The buffalo mozzarella industry is worth hundreds of millions of dollars a year in Italy, and a criminal ring was just uncovered trying to grab a piece of that when Italian police busted a factory producing fake buffalo mozzarella cheese.”

BOOTLEG MOZZ! BOOTLEG MOZZ!  Hey, I know whenever I pick up a ball at Giant, I’m always like, “$5.00? Are you kidding me?” If these guys can sell me a ball of mozz for, like, $2 – I’M IN!  But there’s more to the story:

“Police say milk samples from the factory had more than 2,000 times the allowed level of bacteria for producing buffalo mozzarella.”

Oh, gross. Then again, what do I know?  There’s probably 2,000 times the allowed level of bacteria on the doorknobs of my office building, yet I still eat sandwiches for lunch. Excuse me, I need to go wash my hands. For the next 20 minutes.

What do you think, Nation? Tell me in the comments below.

Today’s junk food: Russell Stover Wedding Cake Big Bite & Cookie Dough Big Bite!

Russell Stover Wedding Cake Big Bite & Cookie Dough Big Bite are the next two in the line of new Big Bites that I recently spotted at Walgreens.  I reviewed the Chocolate Cake and Red Velvet Cake Big Bites here.  Today I’m moving on to the wedding cake and cookie dough varieties.

This Russell Stover Wedding Cake Big Bite smelled SUPER sweet due to the white chocolate.  It’s the only one of the new Big Bites WITH White Chocolate.  When I bite into it, the first flavor I got was the familiar creamy sweetness of white chocolate and a general sweet confection from the soft insides.  As I chewed, I tried to think – did this taste like wedding cake? I mean, I’ve been to a bunch of weddings…all the cakes were different. My evaluation?  Yeah, this sort of DID taste like wedding cake!

The white chocolate exterior was thick and semi-waxy which reminded me of the thick creamy frosting that traditional wedding cakes have.  The inside was generally sweet and nondescript – just like a wedding cake!  Combined, even though there wasn’t the cake-like lightness, this Big Bite DID remind me of the waxy-creamy feel I associate with wedding cake.  I know this isn’t a great description, but trust me – if you’ve been to a bunch of weddings like me, then you know what I’m talking about.

It wasn’t about the flavor, entirely, it was about the feel. And I think Russell Stover got the feel right here.

Next: Russell Stover Cookie Dough Big Bite!

I bite into this Russell Stover Cookie Dough Big Bite, and immediately loved it.  Even before I tasted it, the look of the inside of the Big Bite was incredibly intriguing – the color of the “cookie dough,” speckled with dark brown chips.  Just looked fantastic.

The flavor was interesting. It wasn’t DEAD -ON cookie dough. Honestly, as I chewed and swallowed, the flavor that I got was of a Snickers bar, or a Mars Bar.  The cookie dough inside was more like a nougat than anything else, and reminded me of the same insides as the Cookie Dough Oreos.  Like those Oreos, the inside here didn’t have that strong DOUGH flavor that I associate with cookie dough…but the inside DID remind me of chocolate chip cookies! Well, in mushy form.

So imagine mushy chocolate chip cookies in confection form, stuffed inside milk chocolate.  Like I said, it reminded me of a Mars Bar.  And I thought it tasted GREAT.  Definitely a good one here, Russell Stover.

And there you have it – all of Russell Stover’s new Big Bites.  Which was your favorite, if you tried it?  What do you think? Comment below.

PURCHASED AT: Walgreens

COST: $0.99 each

Thoughts? Please comment below or hit me up on Twitter @junkfoodguy or LIKE my Facebook Page and message me there. I also have Google+!! Let’s hang out.

Sincerely,

Junk Food Guy