Junk Food Nation, can we address an epidemic here?  It’s infecting the nation, and as a citizen, I am PISSED. I’m referring to the Fake-Hurry-Up.

The Fake-Hurry-Up is the move that people pull when crossing the street, and the light happens to turn green while they are still in the street.  Most people sort of notice it, and then they do the Fake-Hurry-Up: they start to pretend a jogging move but then stop after a couple of jogs and return to walking across the street at a normal pace.

It’s like, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  WHY DID YOU PRETEND TO JOG FOR 0.5 SECONDS??  The worst is when they start the Fake-Hurry-Up coming in from the left, so they fake jog in front of opposing direction traffic, but then normal walk the ENTIRE TIME by the time they reach the lanes of traffic YOUR car is in.

And if you honk?  It’s like you shoved a finger in their nose.  They turn to you with an evil eye, and I had one dude actually tap his chest, and yell “WHAT?!”  I wanted to hit the gas and run him over.  THAT’S WHAT.

Do *I* do the Fake-Hurry-Up?  No, I do not.  Like a normal human being, if I see the red flashing hand and no more seconds on the clock, I’ll WAIT for the next walk signal.  Or, if there’s eight seconds, and my friends are like “Let’s do it,” I will sprint across, arms flailing, like a madman, per usual.  I will not engage in the Fake-Hurry-Up.

So let’s STOP with FHU syndrome.  It’s annoying, and the more it happens to me when I’m in my car, I just want to RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE.

In an unrelated topic, I may have road rage.

Today’s junk food is: CRUNCHA MA-ME!

Ok, so let’s talk about CRUNCHA MA-ME!  And no, I don’t HAVE to type the name of the product in all caps, but it’s more fun that way.  You pronounce it “Crunch-a-mah-may.” And it refers to edamame, which, for anyone who has not been to a Japanese restaurant before, are basically boiled soy beans that you suck out of a pod with lots of salt and they are so goooooooooooooood.

Back to Cruncha ma-me.  I mean, CRUNCHA MA-ME! They were a product I tracked down at the Fancy Food Show, and were immediately a favorite of mine.  Basically, they are a dried soybean snack.  A healthy snack.  Not truly a bad junk food – a HEALTHY junk food.  Something like that.  Moving on…

I had picked up a slew of CRUNCHA MA-ME! packets when I attended the show, but I guess they really wanted me to remember them – I received the box above in the mail with ANOTHER lineup of their snacks!  Open them up, and POW!  THIS is the kind of mail I like to get!

Let’s get through all the details YOU wanna know.  1) Their website is here.  2) Gluten-free. 3) This is freeze-dried, non-GMO premium edamame, so each bite is super pure.  4) TONS of protein (8 g per bag), which I know some of you will like. 5) And five different flavors!

Look, I’ll say this – I know healthy snacks AREN’T for everyone.  But personally, I love them.  If they taste good, and are good for me, I don’t feel bad eating a trough of this stuff!

End spiel. Let’s get into the review. Starting with…the naked variety!

Naked Cruncha ma-me is exactly what it sounds like – your basic edamame with no seasoning, no salt, nada.  Created presumably because some of you health freaks don’t even want a half teaspoon of salt here or there.  LIVE A LITTLE, PEOPLE.

Still, I ate a big mouthful, I thought these were great.  Nice crunch, excellent pure edamame flavor.  It had a nice, clean aftertaste.  Personally, I like seasoning, but these were a good start to know the baseline flavor.

Next up: Light Seasoned Cruncha ma-me!

Lightly Seasoned Cruncha ma-me had a sprinkle of sodium on its covering, and that bit of salt definitely made these edamame taste more savory, IMO.  The little bit of salt really brought out the edamame flavor and reminded me a lot of the boiled edamame I normally get at sushi places.  In other words, it brought out the contrast of the soybean taste better.

Next: Sea Salt & Black Pepper Cruncha ma-me!

Sea Salt & Black Pepper Cruncha ma-me had an immediate nice cracked black pepper taste when I chewed them.  The flavor of these was a little altered because of the additional onion and garlic powder added to help push the black pepper flavor.  REALLY tasty – definitely even MORE savory tasting than the Lightly Seasoned variety.

Next up: Onion & Chive Cruncha ma-me!

Onion & Chive Cruncha ma-me was definitely, IMO, the most savory tasting of all the packages.  I got an immediate strong sour cream and onion flavor, and while it wasn’t super creamy, there was a hint of creaminess to the seasoning.  The flavored covered the edamame flavor, which wasn’t may favorite part, but I think for non-edamame eaters, this will be the most successful.  But don’t get me wrong – I wholly enjoyed this flavor!  VERY tasty.

Last up: Jalapeño Cruncha ma-me!

Jalapeño Cruncha ma-me was the last flavor I tried, and it was also very good.  These weren’t TOO spicy at all.  The jalapeno just added a nice kick, just a little burn.  I will say these were not as savory as the Onion & Chive, or even the Sea Salt & Black Pepper.  They did have good edamame flavor, however, and were not covered up by any overly-vegetable-y jalapeno taste.  Really good.

It’s safe to say that, all in all, I really LOVED Cruncha ma-me!  My friend Jen, who attended the Fancy Food Show with me, was unconvinced, and then a couple days later admitted that she was really digging the product.  Doctor Sis LOVED this product when she tried it.

To rank them, my favorites would be:

1. Sea Salt & Black pepper

2. Onion & Chive

3. Lightly Seasoned / Jalapeno

4. Naked.

So there ya go.  THANK YOU CRUNCHA MA-ME FOR LETTING ME SAMPLE YOUR LINE OF PRODUCTS!  And I’ll see you tomorrow, Junk Food Nation!  (And remember, don’t do the Fake Hurry Up.  Annoying!)

PURCHASED AT: You can buy them here or on Amazon!

COST: prices vary

Thoughts? Please comment below or hit me up on Twitter @junkfoodguy or LIKE my Facebook Page and message me there. Also, you can always email me at junkfoodguy@junkfoodguy.com. Let’s do this.

Sincerely,

Junk Food Guy