Junk Food Nation, this is been a rough offseason for my Yankees.  Yes, I know, I’m a hated Yankees fan, and Don’t Dry for Me Argentina that the richest team in baseball is having troubles.  Whatever – I’m allowed to be upset, jerks. Get ready for a Friday sports rant.

Those who know me, both in real life and via Twitter, know that I’m not a blind homer.  I’ve been spotting the flaws in the Yanks for years now.  Then, recently, Rany Jazayerli over on Grantland wrote an article about the fall of the Yankees that perfectly summed up everything I’d been thinking about for years now.

If I may paraphrase and sum up: The turning point of the Yankees was when George Steinbrenner died.  The escalating payroll hit a red light, and the rest of the league caught up in spending.  As a result, New York wasn’t the best place to earn big cash, and without the ability to throw boatloads of cash at new free agents, the already-old team became even older.

I saw this coming, and it made me even more nervous about the additions of AJ Burnett and Mark Teixeira. Yes, New York won the World Series that year.  But so much cash for Burnett? Ugh.  And then to add Granderson for even more bucks when we had a perfectly good Austin Jackson right there in the minors?  WHY.

This Yankees season, with the already injured Arod, Granderson, Teixiera, and Pineda out, is going to be ugly.  Uuuuuuugly.  Many players are approaching or over 40 years old, and this is Mariano Rivera’s last year.  He’ll be throwing his cutter to Francisco Cervelli???  UGH.

I say next year, blow it all up.  Granderson, Kuroda, Youkilis, Pettitte, Hughes, Hafner, Joba Chamberlain, and Boone Logan are all free agents – sign Logan, let Pettitte retire, and then let the rest go.  Let Mo is retire.  And then start now rebuilding the franchise.  Do it.  Rip the bandaid off.  #EndYankeesRantThatMeansLittleToMostOfYou

And now, a quick look at what’s “In Stores Now.”

Ok, so….

…there is really nothing different about these at all?

Found these bags of Kisses, randomly, at a Michael’s art supply store.  What??  Yeah, that’s right.  I always found it interesting when stores like Best Buy and Staples will randomly have snacks hanging up at the end of their aisles.  Mountain Dew at GameStop?  I get it, you’re trying to fuel the gaming nerds.  Anyways, these kisses have nothing different about them, except for the little slips of paper in the Kiss itself says “It’s a boy!” or “It’s a girl” on it.  I’ll pass.

Filled with what?

Spotted at Walgreens, these Twizzler Bites are just cutup Twizzlers with…some sort of random jelly filling inside?  Sounds sort of awesome.  But not the most creative thing in the world.  Why not fill these Twizzlers with something more exciting, like Nutella?

Kind of…

…boring

Jolly Ranchers have gotten into the “Bites” act, although aren’t soft Jolly Ranchers just Sour Patch Kids in brick form?  Lame.

Holidays are always a time when candy companies just repackage their same old BS with related shapes in order to play on your holiday sensibilities.  And while I DO buy into it sometimes (Helloooooooo Reese’s Eggs), it does annoy me in certain situations.

Scary rabbit!

These Lifesavers Gummies (Walgreens) are a great example.  I enjoy Lifesavers Gummies primarily BECAUSE they are shaped like Lifesavers and are chewy.  But when you shape them into bunnies and eggs, these are not Lifesavers Gummies anymore!  They are just Gummies.  With a crazy rabbit cartoon on the front.

Who doesn’t like to suck on Jelly Chix?

So, I bought these, and was immediately kicking myself for being so duped.  I love Lemonheads, so I thought these might be unique and interesting.  NOPE.  These were really just large gumdrops.  Like the Lifesavers Gummies, the change in form took everything away from why I loved the original candy. And I should’ve known better. ARGH.

Not even trying

Lazy Lindt Chocolate.  YOUR TRUFFLES ARE ROUND IN THE FIRST PLACE.  So, now these slightly oblong roundish truffles are “eggs?” Such a lazy Easter adaptation…and one that probably works brilliantly in sales.

TRYING EVEN LESS

I mean, c’mon. Tootsie Pops are ALREADY egg-shaped in nature.  Did they even need to change the candy mold at ALL when rebranding this lollipop?!  Tootsie Pops must think we are all suckers.  And we are 😛

Woopsy

Looks like someone got as mad as I did at this ridiculous display of Easter candy.  Did they really need to take it out on this Little Pal, though?  Yikes.

Thoughts? Please comment below or hit me up on Twitter @junkfoodguy or LIKE my Facebook Page and message me there. Also, you can always email me at junkfoodguy@junkfoodguy.com. Let’s hang.

Sincerely,

Junk Food Guy