JFG Nation, lots of people are graduating from college right now. And with YouTube broadcasting every celebrity’s, politician’s, and business person’s graduation speeches, it seems like there are no topics or wisdom left to impart on graduates. Don’t be afraid to fail. Make mistakes and learn from them. The best is yet to come. Eat lots of protein. Yada yada yada. You know the drill.

But I have some advice for any graduates out there about to enter the world. This is advice I would give my 15-year old self, my 21-year old self, and my 30-year old self. It’s sound advice, even if off color.

Graduates, as you enter the world: DON’T BE A D*CK.

No, not a duck. A d*ck. Don’t be one. “But Eric! It’s so much fun to be a d*ck!” Yeah I know. But still, just don’t be one. Whether you are male or female, red or blue, religious or not, a Yankee or Red Sox fan, pro-PETA or not, lover of booze or straight sober, a vegan, a meat lover, or just someone who likes jazz: DON’T BE A D*CK.

Have courage in your convictions. Don’t hate tweet someone who questions them. Argue your position boldly. Don’t just repeat STAY IN YOUR LANE over and over again. Prefer whatever body type you want. Don’t body shame people in the gym Dani Mathews, you lunatic.

As someone who had been in jobs that had college interns and that hired people out of college, I can tell you the biggest question that determined whether you got hired was: is this person a f*cking d*ck? Did they just putz around during their internship? Did he just dodge work and then pretend that it was someone else’s fault that a job slipped? Did she spend the entire time socializing and not working? Was he a gossip lover? GONE. News flash: we know that college grads don’t have any experience. You have no idea how to do what I’m doing. College internships (and college in general) is just a time to grow up, party, get all the d*ckishness out of your system, and prove to a real employer that you are, in fact, no longer a d*ck.

Our world has apparently forgotten this. Athletes think kicking someone in the d*ck doesn’t make them a d*ck, it makes them a “competitor.” Politicians think ignoring the other 50% makes them “principled.” Twitter – well there’s not much to say about Twitter. All three of these groups – d*cks.

So yeah, knock it off. As you step into the world with your poli-sci degree, know this: you spend much of your life evaluating your co-workers to see who’s a d*ck and who’s not. Most of time you’re just looking for chill people to have a drink with and f*ck around a little bit. BE one of those people who others can look at and say, “hey, this guy/girl isn’t so bad. Let’s invite this person to a BBQ.” Don’t be the person mansplaining how someone’s posture is poor and they shouldn’t sit like that. D*CK.

That’s it. That’s all the wisdom I have. Comment below if you want. But don’t be a ……..

Today’s junk food: Twix Dark!!

These are Twix. Covered in dark chocolate. Simple.

DO THESE TASTE GOOD? YES. Emphatic yes.

WHY OR WHY NOT? BECAUSE THESE ARE TWIX COVERED IN DARK CHOCOLATE. They taste like a Pepperidge Farm Milano cookie dipped in caramel. The dark chocolate does something the milk chocolate doesn’t do – stands out from the caramel. I love Twix but it tends to just be overall sugary – the dark chocolate allowed for contrast. It was really REALLY good.

ANYTHING ELSE I SHOULD KNOW? These should’ve existed A LONG TIME AGO, Twix!

PURCHASED AT: Shell station, Germantown, MD.

WHERE FOUND IN STORE? below the register.

COST? $2.11.

Sincerely,

The JFG