JFG Nation, for some reason I’ve been drinking a lot of bottled water lately. Either I pop into a CVS while I’m out running an errand or it’s on sale at the grocery store – I always seem to have a bottle of water in my hands. Yes, I know they’re bad for the environment – I use an aluminum bottle at work and glasses at home. But when I’m out and about, the plastic bottle of water finds me.

I am convinced that all bottled waters are NOT created equally, and that they taste different. No, I have not done a side by side taste test. Yes, I realize I’m a sucker for paying for expensive bottled water. Let’s not have this debate right now. What I want to debate is: what is the best tasting bottled water? My rankings

FIJI: Oh, Fiji. You’re so clean, so smooth, and when I drink you I feel like I’m floating on a cloud piloted by water fairies. I want to bathe in your clarity. I love you, FIJI.

SMART WATER: The JFGal’s favorite, I must admit – this water Glaceau is undeniably smooth. Smooth like a baby’s bottom. That I’m drinking…ugh, this analogy is horrible. Let’s move on.

VOSS: Someone brought Voss water bottles to work a couple weeks ago. I felt like I was big pimpin’, like the break room was all of a sudden the green room back stage at the Jimmy Kimmel Show. How did it taste? Who knows; THE BOTTLE IS SO COOL.

EVIAN: A classic, right? The first bottled water company I’d ever heard of, even after all the stand up comedians said the name was NAIVE in reverse. Maybe I am naive to pay $2.99 for 16 oz of water. BUT SO ARE YOU, AMERICA.

AQUAFINA: Now we’re getting to some lower rung waters. Aquafina is good in a pinch, and CVS always has sales of this brand. The pricing is weird though – do I want two 32 oz bottles of Aquafina for $5, or 32 2-ounce bottles for $2.99? Why are trying to make me kill the Earth, Aquafina?

DASANI: Ugh, this stuff tastes like glass and plastic all in one. Why does Dasani never taste good? This a Coke product?? HOW DARE YOU, COCA COLA.

DEER PARK: This is basically tap water, right? Right. Glad we settled that. I have to go brush my teeth now.

Is there a brand I’m missing? Do you agree/disagree with my rankings? Tell me in the comments below.

Today’s junk food: Limited Edition Firework Oreo!!

Firework Oreos! Just in time for Memorial Day, or Fourth of July, or whatever other explosion filled holiday you celebrate (I’m looking at you, Arbor Day.) Oreos with Pop Rocks in the creme – what could go wrong, right? Plenty of companies started this train (Chuao, Trader Joe’s, Post Pebbles); it was just a matter of time before Oreo hopped on board.

The package makes the creme look like it’s speckled with blue and red specks. Because AMERICA, SON.

DO THESE TASTE GOOD? Yes.

WHY OR WHY NOT? This gimmick here is the popping candy in the creme; other than that, the rest of the Oreo is EXACTLY THE SAME AS A REGULAR OREO. Which isn’t a bad thing – for all the complaining people do that there are too many new and weird flavors of Oreos, this one isn’t a new FLAVOR, per se, but a new sensation.

So did it work? Yes, yes it did. BUT ONLY IF YOU EAT THE CREME BY ITSELF. When eaten as a whole cookie, I got some pops here and there – but otherwise it just felt like I was crunching sugar crystals. The effervescent carbonated popping sensation is much more noticeable when the creme is eaten by itself. The popping candies tasted sweet (and almost a tad bit fruity, like the speckles in the Fruity Crisp Oreos). When I crunched on the creme, and opened my mouth, the popping sounds were loud and clear. The JFGal then asked me to close my mouth, please.

And that’s it. Not a bad cookie, and the novelty is there. Not sure if it’s a repeat buy – after eating these I definitely said, “huh, cool,” but I did not say, “huh, delicious.” It’s just a regular Oreo. For some, that’s a plus. For others, these are a one time thing.

ANYTHING ELSE I SHOULD KNOW? These are available everywhere now, apparently – Walmart, Target, Safeway, Albertsons. These will be flooding the shelves everywhere.

PURCHASED AT: Walmart, Germantown, MD.

WHERE FOUND IN STORE? Standalone displays in front of the register.

COST? $2.88.

Sincerely,

The JFG