Junk Food Nation, here in the District, the subways are pretty much like everywhere else.  The train pulls into the station, the doors open, people stumble off, people crowd on, the conductor gives the last warning, something along the lines of, “Please stand clear, doors closing.” Then the doors close, and the train rumbles to its next stop, with the announcement of what that next stop is.  And to the credit of DC Metro, the conductors, I’ve found, have generally been pretty clear.  In NYC where I used to live, the announcements were sometimes nonsensical – “Mumble mumble mumble Bedford, Bedford, doors closing.” Wait, what?  But here in DC, even if the person mumbles, you can generally hear the conductor say in monotone and without punctuation “this is the red line the next stop is woodley park zoo please stand clear of the doors doors closing.”  Like I said, the voices are still understandable.

So explain to me, EXPLAIN TO ME, the reason why this morning, on the subway, THE TRAIN CONDUCTOR WAS LITERALLY SHOUTING INTO THE MICROPHONE!  My God.  I’m serious. Not ONLY did it sound like the volume was cranked ALL THE WAY UP (because even in the pauses, the empty background noise and squeaks were DEAFENING) but when she did take up the handle, it sounded like this:

“GOOD MORNING THIS IS THE RED LINE TO SILVER SPRING! THE NEXT STOP IS FARRAGUT NORTH! PLEASE STAND CLEAR OF THE DOORS.  THE DOORS! ARE! CLOOOSSSSINNNNGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!”

Holy EFF – my ears were bleeding.  I wear headphones on the subway, and those were turned up, and I couldn’t hear it at all when this person was making her announcement. It. Was. Ridiculous.  RIDICULOUS.  I half expected her to end with “DO YOU SMELL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKIN’!!??!?!?!?!?!?”

I looked around the Metro as I got on the train at my stop, and you could tell she had been shouting the entire ride – kids had their ears plugged with their fingers, people were looking around snickering, and most people were wincing while she spoke. A LOT of people were making eye contact with each other with both a knowing, and bewildered, look on their faces.  I felt I like I was stuck in a horrible brainwashing tank, where you have your senses overloaded to wear down your resistance – all you needed was a strobe light and you would’ve found people mumbling as they exited the train, “The next stop is…the next stop is…RED LINE! RED LINE!”

And the worst part is that in between some stops, the train announcer would just leave the mic clicked on so every single bump that occurred at the front of the train could be heard and ECHOED throughout the rest of the train.  Holy Hell.  Metro, fix this.

Today’s junk food: Russell Stover Red Velvet Big Bite & Chocolate Cake Big Bite!

Russell Stover Red Velvet Big Bite & Chocolate Cake Big Bite: The Money Shots

Russell Stover Red Velvet Big Bite & Chocolate Cake Big Bite were found at my local Walgreens.  I’ve reviewed some Big Bites before, and the S’mores one is the only one I really loved.  Still, the Junk Food Gal loves Red Velvet, so I couldn’t pass these up.  Quick photos, then the reviews.

First up: Russell Stover Red Velvet Big Bite!

Russell Stover Red Velvet Big Bite: The Money Shot

Russell Stover Red Velvet Big Bite: Dark chocolate leading the pack

Russell Stover Red Velvet Big Bite: Looks like a dark hockey puck

Russell Stover Red Velvet Big Bite: Red insides

Despite the picture on the front of this Russell Stover Red Velvet Big Bite, the inside of this wasn’t cake.  It was confection, which was thick and designed to taste like red velvet.  When I took the first bite, the main flavor I got was the pretty rich dark chocolate on the outside.  Trying the red confection on the inside, I could taste a red velvet taste – it was muted, but there.  That almost cocoa-y flavor was present, and very sweet.  Eaten together with the chocolate, I think the dark chocolate overpowered it.  I could taste smatterings of the red velvet flavor, but I mainly got dark chocolate flavor, in spades.  Not my favorite.  The Junk Food Gal liked it, but agreed – the dark chocolate overwhelmed the red velvet flavor.  Not our favorite – stick to ACTUAL red velvet cake.

Next up: Russell Stover Chocolate Cake Big Bite!

Russell Stover Chocolate Cake Big Bite: The Money Shot

Russell Stover Chocolate Cake Big Bite: Regular chocolate

Russell Stover Chocolate Cake Big Bite: A lighter hockey puck

Russell Stover Chocolate Cake Big Bite: Fudge-y insides

Now this Russell Stover Chocolate Cake Big Bite was a whole different story for me.  Biting into it, the outsides were a dark milk chocolate flavor – not as dark as the Red Velvet, but not uber sweet like pure milk chocolate. Somewhere in between.  But the insides – oh, the insides – were almost like a fudge quality, FULL of almost a brownie-like-chocolate-fudge flavor.  I thought these were REALLY good.  The inside confection was soft and sticky and stuck to my teeth like I was biting into some really nice fudge.  The chocolate flavor was awesome; like I mentioned, it was almost like a brownie. For NOT being cake, these did a good job getting the chocolate cake flavor across. Really tasty, and really chocolaty.  I would recommend these to anyone.

So there you go! I’d buy the chocolate cake one again, prob not the red velvet.

PURCHASED AT: Walgreens

COST: $0.99 each

Thoughts? Please comment below or hit me up on Twitter @junkfoodguy or LIKE my Facebook Page and message me there. I also have Google+!! Let’s hang out.

Sincerely,

Junk Food Guy