Junk Food Nation, I am scared of heights.  Well, ok – scared of heights might be an exaggeration.  Like, if I’m at the top of a ladder, I’m not freaking out. But have me looking over the edge of a balcony of the 12th floor of a building?  Yeah, a bit of vertigo sets in.  Strangely, I LOVE rollercoasters – I love the feel of G-Force, anti-G, all of that.

But I am terrified – TERRIFIED – of water slides. Reason? Because I think that no slide is designed properly and that I’m just going to FLY OVER THE EDGE.  Which I realize is irrational, since a rollercoaster is essentially a moving death trap, and if I went flying off those rails, I’d have no way to free myself since I’d be trapped in harness/cage.

Then I saw this:

UM, THIS IS NOT A PARODY VIDEO, FRIENDS.  This is REAL.  Apparently, on this waterslide, you move up to 65 MPH, falling 17 stories.  WHAT?  It’s called Verrückt, and I just Verrückt-ed all over my desk re-watching that video.

More: “At the bottom of that initial plummet, riders will confront a five-story hill. They will be propelled up and over that hill for the final descent to the ride’s finish.”

Ok, HOLY EFF.  What!? Propelled up and over that hill? I just see myself shotgunning out of that ramp into the bushes by the parking lot, with every single bone broken.  That is, if I survive the drop down the 17-story slide that APPEARS TO ONLY HAVE A 2-FOOT WALL ON EACH SIDE TO KEEP ME ON TRACK. That’s safe – you’re cruising down the slide with a little trickle of water under your butt when some bump in the road sends you sliding up one side, over the lip of the slide, and falling to your …. well, call me paranoid if you want!  I WANT TO LIVE. I WANT TO LIIIIVVVE.

I mean, does it or does it NOT seem like the ride is designed to provide cartoon-like demises for anyone interested? Good lord, I think I’m having a panic attack right now just thinking about it.  Someone get me a valium!

PS: Verrückt means “crazy” in German.  Hooo—-kay.  Tell me what you think of the ride in the comments below.

Today’s junk food: Klondike Candy!

Klondike is known for making ice cream bars, right?  Well, apparently, they want to get into the candy game too!  I stumbled upon this display at my local Walgreens last week.  Caramel and Mint Chocolate Chip ….chocolates?

My friends over at The Candy Blog and On Second Scoop spotted and reviewed these over the summer and early Fall, but they just hit DC apparently.  So, here we go!

First up: Klondike Caramel Candy.

Klondike Caramel Candy …well, it wasn’t great.  Covered in a milk chocolate tasting coating, these tasted sort of like the caramels you’d find in a Russell Stover sampler box.  Nothing really special about these – chocolate coating over a bite-able yet still-firm caramel center.  And that’s it.  Tasted fine, but I feel like there a billion versions of this out there.  Yep – not buying these again.

Next: Klondike Mint Chocolate Chip Candy!

The Klondike Mint Chocolate Chip Candy, on the other hand, were not bad.  The outer coating was more dark chocolate than milk chocolate, which helped provide nice contrast to the center.

The neon green filling tasted like mint ice cream – that’s the best way I can describe it, and I’m sure that’s what Klondike was going for.  It was creamy and vanilla-y and sweet, with a nice bit of mint mixed in after.  But the creamy sweetness came first, not the mint – this didn’t taste like a York Peppermint Patty at all.  It wasn’t that icy minty intense.  Instead, it was designed to taste like mint ice cream to make this candy taste as close to the ice cream version of this Klondike flavor as possible.  And I think they hit their mark pretty closely.  The filling plus the dark chocolate exterior made these pretty interesting, and tasty.

I tried freezing a couple of pieces, to see if (when cold) these would taste like the ice cream Mint Chocolate Chip Klondike bar.  Verdict?  ….Sort of!  (said as enthusiastically as “sort of!” can be said.)  The coldness helped trick my mind, but the feeling of the filling on my tongue wasn’t cold. Ah well.

Still, not a bad try by Klondike.  I probably won’t buy either of these again, but if you’re gonna try one, do the mint version.

PURCHASED AT: Walgreens

COST: 2 for $1.00 

Thoughts? Please comment below or hit me up on Twitter @junkfoodguy or LIKE my Facebook Page and message me there. I also have Google+!! Let’s hang out.

Sincerely,

Junk Food Guy