Review: New Pepperidge Farm Strawberry Shortcake Goldfish Grahams & WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, METRO POLE LEANER??
Junk Food Nation, what is wrong with people? Today the Washington DC Metro (our subway) of course had delays and track maintenance and other BS going on (which has been common these days), but I managed to sneak onto a train without much trouble. The train was semi-crowded, but I was able to stand and hang onto a pole for balance.
This guy boarded at the next stop, and leaned onto the pole I was grabbing – right onto my hand. I have written before about the annoyance of people who lean on the poles in the subway. Seriously, if you’re leaning up against a pole in the subway you’re (a) preventing anyone else from hanging onto the pole for balance, especially in a crowded train car, and (b) A JERK.
Back to the guy on the train this morning. He leaned right onto my hand, HARD. So I kind of jerked my hand, without letting go, to send the message, “Hey buddy, you’re leaning on my f*cking hand.” He noticed, stood up from the bar, glanced at my hand….AND LEANED BACK ONTO IT. Like, deliberately. WTF. So this person saw that he was basically crushing my hand between the pole and his weird body, and didn’t care. “BUT I NEED TO LEAN BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT I DO, BRAH” he thought, apparently. HEATHEN.
But I wasn’t going to back down to this prick, so there I stood with my hand wedged between the pole and his warm armpit area for the next 15 minutes. Ugh, it was awful. But what the hell, man – HOW IS WHAT HE’S DOING OK? And why should *I* be the one inconvenienced?? I mean, I could’ve opened/reached with my hand and tickled this guy! The whole thing was bizarre. Was I in the wrong here? Tell me in the comments, Junk Food Nation. TELL ME WHAT YOU WOULD’VE DONE.
Today’s junk food: New Pepperidge Farm Strawberry Shortcake Goldfish Grahams!
New Pepperidge Farm Strawberry Shortcake Goldfish Grahams: The Money Shot
New Pepperidge Farm Strawberry Shortcake Goldfish Grahams are the latest in the Goldfish Graham line. I’ve reviewed a bunch of the other Goldfish Graham products on this blog, and I generally like them. I mean, they’re little cookies shaped like fish – what’s NOT to like?
New Pepperidge Farm Strawberry Shortcake Goldfish Grahams: THEY HAVE CHICKEN POX
Still, strawberry shortcake is an interesting flavor to undertake? In real life, I don’t think I really LOVE strawberry shortcake. I’ve had it authentically, where the shortcake is generally not very sweet at all, and while the strawberries are good, it’s usually just a wet sloppy mess of soaked biscuit and reduced berries. I mean, I GUESS it’s ok – but it’s definitely not a favorite of mine. These New Pepperidge Farm Strawberry Shortcake Goldfish Grahams have an uphill battle with me.
New Pepperidge Farm Strawberry Shortcake Goldfish Grahams: FOUR CALORIES A FISH!
New Pepperidge Farm Strawberry Shortcake Goldfish Grahams: Made with Smiles???
New Pepperidge Farm Strawberry Shortcake Goldfish Grahams are made with smiles and vegetable oil. Just what I needed in my life! PS: I’m sure someone running the ovens cooking these little cookies frowned at SOME point.
New Pepperidge Farm Strawberry Shortcake Goldfish Grahams: Fuzzy with sugar
Opening this bag of New Pepperidge Farm Strawberry Shortcake Goldfish Grahams, I took a big whiff – definite graham cracker smell. No real strawberry smell however. Munch time.
New Pepperidge Farm Strawberry Shortcake Goldfish Grahams: some red specks
When I first munched on these New Pepperidge Farm Strawberry Shortcake Goldfish Grahams, my first thought was, “WOW, they got this strawberry shortcake thing down!” But then I had to take a step back and really think – what WAS I tasting?
My first taste was clearly the graham cracker, but it had a fruity injection, or something. It didn’t taste like honey; rather, the flavor of artificial strawberry pervaded the entire thing. The strawberry flavor had little stings/pangs of tart/sourness which, to be frank, did remind me of the way strawberries taste! So that’s a good thing. And the whole flavor DID remind me strawberry shortcake, since, as I described before, usually strawberry shortcake mainly tastes like strawberry-soaked biscuits to me – which this mimicked pretty accurately.
However, as I chewed more, I REALIZED what the overall flavor reminded me of ….. CRUNCHBERRIES. Not as sweet, and clearly not made with corn meal like Crunchberries normally are, but these had that great starchy/fruity flavor that I love in Cap’n Crunch cereal.
Overall, I enjoyed these! Not sure if it’s the most REAL tasting thing in the world, but hey, when has that stopped me?
PURCHASED AT: Target
COST: $2.49
SMALL NEWS: Tomorrow is Thanksgiving (HAPPY THANKSGIVING JUNK FOOD NATION!) and the day after is my birthday (HAPPY BIRTHDAY…ER….ME!) So I can’t promise that I’ll be posting until next Monday…we’ll see how the days go. Maybe I’ll just throw up some random stuff, to make you giggle.
Thoughts? Please comment below or hit me up on Twitter @junkfoodguy or LIKE my Facebook Page and message me there. Let’s hang out.
Sincerely,
Junk Food Guy
Discuss - 21 Comments
I hear you about the leaners. Yesterday a woman parked her ass right on my hand as I was holding the pole in an extremely crowded and delayed train (thanks Red line). At one point she says, “Am I on your hand?” I say “Yes you are,” and then she goes back to doing the same dang thing. If I hadn’t been so tired and desperate to get home I would have started a rumble. Next time…
@Sarah: SAME EXPERIENCE. We’re in an exclusive club…the worst exclusive club ever.
Definitely should’ve tickled him. Pole leaners are terrible human beings. Tough to start a conflict with such degenerates in a haggard, confined holding cell like the metro, though.
@Corey: Next time, my rage will boil over.
ALL LEANERS MUST DIE. i’ve had to deal with them more times than i can count here in nyc, but my favorite was when the train pulled into the station & as i stood maybe two feet from the edge of the platform, the train came to a stop & a HUGE dude stepped directly between myself & the car doors. he rushed onto the train & scrambled around trying to find a seat. while he did this, i took a spot standing at the end of the car holding onto a pole. when he realized he wasn’t going to get a seat, he simply leaned back onto the pole, crushing my hand. i responded by pushing him off the pole with the back of my hand. he turned & said “did you just push me? don’t push me, man.” i responded with “you were crushing my hand” & he continued ranting for a little bit more before shutting up. ten minutes later, he turned to me & apologized & tried to hand me a “jesus saves” pamphlet. i did not accept.
@Shawn: LOL +1. I respect the push. Nice work.
C’MON DUDE. just say man, you’re effing smashing my hand and you’re gonna have to pay for my chiropractic surgery. that is how to deal with pole leaners. doesn’t hurt to say you’re a concert pianist either.
@L. Morrish – haha, love the concert pianist note. I’m def using that next time.
post on instagram your thanksgiving feast!!
@Nathaniel – I’ll try! Oh who am I kidding. I’ll be instagraming all day, likely.
The stuff of nightmares happens on the Seoul subway. I’ve been kicked, pushed, sat on, hit with the bags of people sitting down next to me…not to mention had creepy old guys try to read my texts over my shoulder AND ask me if I was a prostitute.
I feel your pain;public transportation is a definite love/hate for me.
@Ashley – great to hear from you! And yes, that is totally creepy – yuck. Are you still in Korea?
Yup~still here teaching. I may end up a lifer at the rate I’m going^^
@Ashley: No visit to the states during the holidays?
I usually go back every January~I’m coming back for almost a month this year, which is great. As much as I love Korea, it’s nice to take a break every now and then.
@Ashley: 1 month vacations are pretty solid. Any traveling while in the US?
Maybe a bit to visit friends, and possibly my sister in California, but my parents routinely tell me they’re forgetting what I look like, haha, which I think is a hint that they want to spend as much time with me as possible ~
@Askley – anything you’re looking forward to having (junk food wise) once you’re back in the states?
I miss Reee’s pb cups, twizzlers, limited edition oreos and pop tarts, etc. You can get some of that here, but it’s expensive and usually takes a trip to Itaewon, the foreign district of Seoul.
*Reese’s. Oops.
@Ashley: YOU BETTER LOAD UP!