Junk Food Nation, tonight is the night!  No, not the night Aaron Hernandez digs a hole out of prison, Shawshank-style.  No, not the night Paula Deen makes three new YouTube videos.  No, tonight is the 2013 NBA Draft!  Drama! Lack of drama!  Yawns all around!  Epic boos!  It’s all happening on ESPN at 7:30pm…Ugh.

There’s a few things I’m interested in tonight:

1)      Who will go Number 1 overall?  There is consensus across the board that this draft is kind of meh, that while there are some great players, no one is REALLY standing out, and there is no clear favorite for first overall pick.  I mean, should it be Nerlens Noel, with his shredded knees and hightop fade? Can he even walk right now?  Or should it be Alex Len, the 7-ft Ukrainian from Maryland who dominated the competition to the tune of…no ACC First Team, no ACC Second Team, no ACC anything, and the ACC is not PACKED with talent, so that says something.  These are our two best players? Cleveland would LOVE for an idiot team to take this pick off their hands.

2)      How many seconds of booing will David Stern get? It’s now so common for commissioners to get booed.  The NFL Draft was an all-you-boo buffet for Roger Goodell. Gary Bettman is lucky he made it out of the Stanley Cup Trophy presentment ceremony without a squid being thrown at him.  And Stern? Well, he’s been getting booed since he rigged the 1985 NBA Draft (CONSPIRACY THEORISTS UNITE!) I’ll be timing it tonight.  I put the over/under at 3 full minutes, and go over…I think he gets booed the entire time he’s on stage intro-ing to when he puts the Cavs on the clock and walks back off stage.

3)      Who will my local Wizards take at #3? After luck-boxing their way into the #3 pick despite not having the third-worst record, the Wiz have a chance at making the RIGHT choice (local fav Otto Porter, maybe Anthony Bennett), making the wrong choice (McLemore, if he’s around), and making a horrific choice (Alex Len??  STEP AWAY FROM THE PHONE, ERNIE). Personally, I like (a) good shooting and (b) general dynamic play making ability.  I don’t care what they look like, weigh, how tall, etc.  Anyone who listened to me knew I hyped Steph Curry and Kemba Walker, despite both being called TOO SMALL.  They can shoot, and they can make plays.  Curry is one of the best players in the league now, and Walker averages 17.7 points, 5.7 assists, 3.5 rebounds, and 2 steals a game.  Where’s MY GM job??? (Along those line…steal of the draft: Peyton Siva.  Mark it.)

Anyways, tonight should be interesting, regardless.  Let’s try to stay awake for it, together.

Today’s junk food: New Gone Nutty! Peanut Butter Pop-Tarts!

New Gone Nutty! Peanut Butter Pop-Tarts have been reviewed by everyone and their mother at this point…yet people have still asked if I’d had them yet.  So yes, I will have these.  I’ve reviewed Pop-Tarts a few times before on this blog, and I’m only a semi-fan…while I do like the concept of toaster pastries, I sometimes find that the Pop-Tarts flavors end up tasting very similar.  I mean, Frosted Vanilla Milkshake?  Confetti Cake? How are these different? (Answer: they’re not.)

Of course, I loved the Pumpkin Pie Pop-Tarts, so there’s always hope.  New Gone Nutty! Peanut Butter Pop-Tarts look to be loaded with peanut butter and sprinkled with sugar.  As I stated on The Nosh Show, this was a blind spot in my mind – once these were released, I was SHOCKED they weren’t ALREADY on shelves.  “Of COURSE these should exist!” was my first thought.

New Gone Nutty! Peanut Butter Pop-Tarts, “a toasty slow-motion explosion of delicious real peanut butter.” That…that doesn’t make sense.

New Gone Nutty! Peanut Butter Pop-Tarts are loaded with calories, preservatives, artificial things…SOUNDS GOOD TO ME.

New Gone Nutty! Peanut Butter Pop-Tarts being wrapped in gold foil packaging makes me feel like I’ve discovered the Golden Ticket. RUN FOR IT, JUNK FOOD GUY, RUN STRAIGHT HOME AND DON’T STOP TIL YOU GET THERE!

When I opened one of these New Gone Nutty! Peanut Butter Pop-Tarts, I could see that this looked a little different than a standard Pop-Tart.  For one, it was really soft.  Most Pop-Tarts are kind of rigid, often times because of the hard icing on top…these were definitely soft and almost looked undercooked.  As if I was grabbing a Pop-Tart off the line before it was fully finished.  The smell of sweet peanut butter was immediate – sort of like the smell you get when opening a box of Peanut Butter Crunch Cereal.

Biting into one of these New Gone Nutty! Peanut Butter Pop-Tarts, I could already tell that I was going to like these.  You were right, Impulsive Buy – tasty.  The outside dough was indeed soft and pretty sweet.  The sugar crystals added to the sweetness obviously.  The dough wasn’t waxy like other Pop-Tarts – it was soft and chewy, sort of like a crumbly bookie.

The peanut butter inside was very sweet and not salty – it had an almost added-caramel flavor to it.  The texture was sort of sticky, although not as sticky as normal jar peanut butter.  But definitely more sticky than Reese’s filling.

All in all, it sort of tasted like a soft-baked peanut butter cookie.  Very sweet, very peanut buttery, and did NOT remind me of a Pop-Tart, which I liked.

But more important question: How do these taste when TOASTED?

I was VERY curious to see what some heat would do to these New Gone Nutty! Peanut Butter Pop-Tarts, since I tend to always like Pop-Tarts when properly toasted.  And I’m not a lightly-toast kind of guy – I like to crank that sucker up to about 7/10, and let the edges burn.  So that’s what I did.

WOW.  My kitchen smelled like fresh baked peanut butter cookies!  Taking the pastry out, I could tell that the soft exterior didn’t hold up so well when the toaster popped up – it collapsed on its own weight!  Whatever.  I took a bite, and the flavor was AMAZING.  Simply amazing.

The outer shell firmed up perfectly and was nice and crunchy.  The inside became soft and gooey and the flavor was unmistakable – peanut butter cookies.  Nothing else – not a Pop-Tart that TASTED like peanut butter cookies, I WAS JUST EATING A MOUTHFUL OF PEANUT BUTTER COOKIES.  The peanut butter, if possible, became sweeter upon heating.

When toasted: PERFECTION.  I HIGHLY endorse these.  I could eat sooooooooooooooooo many.  EXCELLENT, EXCELLENT WORK, POP-TARTS!

PURCHASED AT: Harris Teeter

COST: $2.50 on sale

Thoughts? Please comment below or hit me up on Twitter @junkfoodguy or LIKE my Facebook Page and message me there. Also, you can always email me at junkfoodguy@junkfoodguy.com. Let’s do this.

Sincerely,

Junk Food Guy