Junk Food Nation, I don’t know about you, but watching the NCAA Championship Game last night, I felt really old.  Why? Because Michigan had Tim Hardaway Jr. and Glenn Robinson III on its roster.  So why does that make me feel old? Because I watched the entire careers of both of their FATHERS IN THE NBA…and now I’m seeing their kids play???  MY GOD.

I played video games that had Tim Hardaway in them.  I remember watching Glenn Big Dog Robinson play at Purdue and then get drafted into the NBA.  I grew up with both of these players…and now I’m watching their kids play.  UGH. Can someone pass me a Depends, please?

Regardless, it was an amazing game last night.  Probably one of the best college basketball games I’ve ever watched.  One of those “Where were you when” deals.  Plus, Louisville’s win saved me from some bet payouts, so thank you for that, Pitino.  Also:

1) Not to be a dick, but could CBS STOP panning to Kevin Ware like he was some sort of Make-A-Wish Foundation kid? I know he suffered one of the most gruesome injuries in sports, but c’mon…he broke his leg, he doesn’t have a debilitating disease. I get it – he was an inspiration for the team, and I only wish him a speedy recovery.  But they kept showing him on the sideline, as if to say, “HE’S SO BRAVE TO SIT THERE IN A CAST AND WATCH HIS TEAM PLAY.” Seriously?

2) My Buffalo Bills have officially signed Kevin Kolb, and at the press conference, Kolb said: “I’m here to win the Super Bowl. Period.” Hooooo boy.  I like the confidence!!!  I’d like the confidence even more if he wasn’t Kevin Kolb and was some other…better….QB.

3) Hey remember Eric Murdock?  The assistant coach who revealed via video tape Rutgers coach Mike Rice for the monster he was?  Well, now Murdock himself is being investigated for trying to extort Rutgers for almost $1 million dollars, or else he’d leak that video tape.  Nice work, Murdock.  Way to make sure that you leave the whole Rutgers scandal with plenty of baggage too.

Let’s go see what’s in stores now:

DIRT CUP!

As seen in Target, Jell-o Dirt Cups!  I loved this sort of dessert when I was a kid.  Anything with crushed Oreos was #1 in my book.

Um, no

This, however, seems like a recipe for a let down.  Dirt Cups are, by definition, a dessert with crushed Oreos.  This Strawberry Shortcake pudding seems weird – dried strawberries and weird crunchy white bits? There is no way in Hell this tastes like Strawberry Shortcake.

Just lazy

Here, Jell-o is just asking you to mix some sprinkles into your pudding, and call it a Birthday Cake.  THE SADDEST BIRTHDAY CAKE IN THE WORLD.

Edible Crayons?

As seen in my local Giant Food, these Popsicle Scribblers are all fun and games until you try to color with one and all you get is a sobbing child with streaks of corn syrup in his/her hair.Although I guess its better than eating wax crayons from the start.

IS the point of these to (1) get kids to get used to eating crayons in the future, or (2) to encourage writing all over the walls with food?  Which is it, Popsicle?

BUY 4, GET 1 FREE???

Limited Edition Hot Pockets!  In Target!  Buy four, get one more case of indigestion – FREE!  If I didn’t know how much destruction they’d cause to my digestive system, I’d say these looked pretty good, actually.  These are sort of like white-trash empanadas, no?

That’s…not healthy

Since when did Lunchables get all extreme up in here??  And what the heck does “Lunchables Uploaded” even mean??  Is it like Matrix Reloaded?  And they just decide to STOP making Lunchables even SLIGHTLY healthy?  Ham and cheese sub…water and Kool-aid….chocolate…Pringles???  Ugh.  I eat tons of junk food, and even *I* think a tomato or a carrot needs to be in the mix, SOMEWHERE.

Thoughts? Please comment below or hit me up on Twitter @junkfoodguy or LIKE my Facebook Page and message me there. Also, you can always email me at junkfoodguy@junkfoodguy.com. Let’s hang.

Sincerely,

Junk Food Guy