Junk Food Nation, Retro Cereal Week was a collaboration between five food blogs to buy really old cereals from eBay and eat them.  Most collaborations today result in a rock/hip-hop pop hit, or some other beneficial endgame.  We mostly ended up with nausea.  To recap:

On Monday, The Impulsive Buy ate a Limited Edition Kellogg’s The Simpsons Homer’s Cinnamon Donut Cereal from 2001.

On Tuesday, Rodzilla Reviews ate a Year 2000 Millenios Nillennium Cheerios.

On Wednesday, Food Junk ate a 21-year old Bill & Ted’s Excellent Cereal.

On Thursday, I ate a 24-year old Dunkin’ Donuts Cereal, Glazed Style.

And yesterday, Friday, Foodette Reviews ate a 28-year old Kellogg’s Corn Pops cereal.

So there you have it, folks!  Look back on a week of old cereals and reminisce about your yesteryears gone by, and cereals YOU had as a kid.  And thanks to The Impulsive Buy, Food Junk, Rodzilla, and the Foodette for a great week of reviews.  So what’s next, kids?  Expired Meat Week?

Let’s get right into what’s “In Stores Now”:

Not Fun

Limited Edition Festival Fun Pop-Tarts, Vanilla I-Scream Cone?  I am convinced Pop-Tarts just releases the same damn vanilla Po-Tart over and over again and calls it a different name.  Although this is one of the first one’s I’ve seen where the box actually says, “Try ‘Em Frozen.”  Well, that defeats the purpose, doesn’t it?  These are TOASTER PASTRIES.  Try ‘Em Frozen??? Screw you, Pop-Tarts!

Patriotic Pop-Tarts!

These were a little more intriguing, but I didn’t bother…because you KNOW how these are gonna taste.  Like apple filling inside of a dry flaky pastry shell.  If someone tries these and they are better than, say, a McDonald’s Apple Pie, lemme know.  Until then – nope.

Why wouldn’t I dare?

Slim Jim’s DARE line presumably dares you to eat the spicy jerky they’ve made with your merely-human mouth.  Although in this case, the Beef Jerky is only “kinda hot.” So hell, yes, I dare!  They should make the flames in the background only kinda tall.  Don’t overdo it for just a Kinda-hot snack.

Now we’re cooking!

These Slim Jim DARE sticks are FREAKIN’ HOT….now THAT’s more LIKE IT!  Big tall flames, small concentrated meat sticks.  These might give me more pause.

The next step up are meat sticks flavored with habanero, and are labeled REALLY FREAKIN’ HOT.  Some genius marketing going on over there at Slim Jim.  I fully expect that package to just be on fire.

Awh, cute

With Halloween candy in full swing, there are lots of weird products being sold.  These are just Snickers candy bars shaped into pumpkins.  Fitting two to a package?  Not sure about that.  Just wrap them individually…when you wrap two to a package, I’m going to eat one and then save the other for later. And if if that “later” is a mere minutes later, inevitably the open wrapper will cause chocolate smear to get EVERYWHERE.  Individually wrap these babies and make it cleaner for everyone, Snickers.

Um, yes – scary.

What’s scary about these Hostess Scary Cakes is not the cakes themselves (they look delectable), but the picture of the scarecrow on the front.  (1) I’ve never heard of anyone lighting a candle inside of a pumpkin head of a scarecrow before, so WHY ARE HIS EYES GLOWING, and (2) why are there bats all around him? It’s called a ScareCROW.  Hostess, do some research.

Yikers

Hostess GloBalls are not your average snack.  Creamy filling, covered by chocolate cake, covered by marshmallow, covered by colored coconut? There is some breaking of scientific ethical rules to make this combination happen, I’m sure of it.

SsssNot appealing

And of course, there is gross-out candy such as this that exists.  Tangy Gummy Boogers that Look & Feel Real?  Is this what our society has come to? Can we just hide out by the registers, see who buys these, and then as they exit, jump out of the bushes and slap them hard, explaining, “This was a test.”

WHOA!

Finally, I found these Mamba at some random Target store on the Chesapeake Bay.  This is a personally exciting find, for me, because I used to eat Mamba all the time when I was a kid, and I thought they had discontinued this candy LONG AGO.  I’m being serious – I didn’t think they made this anymore.  But here it is, in a heavy six-pack, still going strong!!!  Good on ya, Mamba!

Have a great Saturday everyone!  I hope you enjoyed Retro Cereal Week 🙂

Thoughts? Please comment below (I always reply) or hit me up on Twitter @junkfoodguy or LIKE my Facebook Page and message me there. Also, you can always email me at junkfoodguy@junkfoodguy.com. Let’s hang out.

Sincerely,

Junk Food Guy