Good morning, Junk Food Nation. Today marks a rare event – the Venus Transit.  For those of you who don’t know what the Venus Transit is, click here. Don’t worry, it’s not porn. Basically, today around 6 pm EST, Venus will cross in front of the sun for the first time in like a 105 years.  It’s one of those once in a lifetime astrological events that seem like they pop up all the time, despite their rarity.  Doesn’t it always seem like there’s another meteor shower or some crazy star that you have to see, all the time?  No? Maybe it’s just me. Anyways, this is a biggie.

To see it, you’ll have to look directly into the sun – sidenote: don’t do that.  Use THIS handy guide for full safe Venus-viewing instructions.  Also, according to the animation on this page, it’ll look like a little dot crawling across the surface of the Sun. So…there’s that.

Spiritual folk are using this moment to as a “revolution of the heart.” Some say “With Venus resonance so highly focused upon Earth, its energies will inspire a new level of intuitive awareness. This transit will create a wonderful opportunity to connect to our heart’s desires. If we open and align ourselves energetically, using this transit as a portal, we can create a shift for ourselves and for our planet.”

So…YEAH! If you need to find me around 6:00pm, I’ll be on the roof, looking for Venus, and connecting with a bag of Cheetos.

In today’s edition of “As Seen In Ireland,” I wanted to focus on the liquids and drink-related items/packaging I saw in the ole Shamrock Land.

Maybe I'm a novice...

Apparently, in Ireland, and in other parts of the world including the US, it’s not unusual to see Capri-Sun in these big ass pouches with a huge spigot at the top. I’m sorry, but the only Capri-Sun I’d ever seen was the kind in the square pouch with the little straw that launches juice all over your shirt. Did I miss something somewhere?

Additionally, I’m always weirded out by the label “Tropical” flavor. Just tell me what fruit it is, weirdos.

Not real beer

To be clear, (1) Ginger Beer is not real beer, (2) I know this, (3) I still took a picture of this bottle.  I haven’t seen a lot of ginger beer sold here in the US, although I’m sure it’s everywhere and I just haven’t been looking. The real curiosity about this photo is the label’s instructions, “UP END BEFORE POURING.” Wait, what? What does that mean? Surely not SHAKE before pouring…turn upside down to mix settled contents?  What is this, Orangina??

It's not Juice!

It’s not juice, it’s FRUICE! No…it’s just juice.  Fruice is apparently a Coca-Cola product “which delivers a variety of high and low juice content options combining drinkability and naturalness…” Those’re some loaded words for what essentially is just a box of juice.

Not a drink, but still funny

While in Ireland, I knew I needed to buy SOME kind of tacky “Irish” item at some point, and when I saw this bottle opener, I had to get it.  First, I love plays-on-words, so the slogan killed me. Second, the Irishman is just demented enough that you can’t help but be affected by it. The mouth that is way too wide.  The slightly dilated but uneven pupils. It’s all too perfect.

Fast forward to a couple weeks ago – this thing can’t open bottles at all!!!! The angle of the metal edges and the thickness of the rubbery construct prevented me from being able to slip either edge underneath the lip of the cap.  DAMNIT.

Your pants could explode?

Not the best marketing campaign, Dr. Pepper.

This is easily my favorite drink label I saw on vacation. Dr. Pepper…what’s the WORSE that can happen?? Wow, who came up with THIS, Dr. Pepper? Because that dude needs to be fired. You never wanna sell your product as “Eh, why not – this probably won’t kill you, maybe?”

Too many wisecracks can be made about this – applying this slogan to condom boxes, for example.  I wanna hear your suggestions in the comments below.

As seen at the Jameson factory

Part of my vacation took me whiskey tasting at the Jameson factory.  Amazing tour if you can do it. And in the lobby was this amazing chandelier, seen above.  This is a frat house’s dream, isn’t it? A couch made of beer cans and a light fixture made of Jameson bottles??? Too cool. FYI – They said it wasn’t for sale….grrrr.

Solemn low five

Finally, this is the perfect name for a whiskey. Ireland has given birth to a number of famous writers including James Joyce and Samuel Beckett… and for everyone who’s been a writer or is a writer, I think the idea of drowning your sorrows with a bottle of Writers Tears sounds poetic. I wonder what Bloggers Tears would be? Mine would be Gatorade laced Zyrtec. Yummy.

Thoughts? Hit me in the comments below or hit me on Twitter @junkfoodguy or on my Facebook Page.

Sincerely, Junk Food Guy