Junk Food Nation, Happy National Donut Day! That’s right, today celebrates fat asses and their best friend, the donut.  This day was created by notorious chubby prez William Taft to commemorate his favorite White House food.  Actually, National Donut Day was created by the Salvation Army in 1938 to honor the women who served donuts to soldiers during World War I, but I like my version better!

I went right up to the crazy screaming lady who sells donut outside my office and shook her hand, wishing her a Happy Donut Day. She wasn’t pleased.  YOU can get a free Krispy Kreme donut today as they are in on the celebrating!  Dunkin’ Donuts is giving away a free donut only if you buy a drink.  That’s BS, in my opinion.  A drink is like $1.50, and a donut is like $.45 cents.  How is this a deal? THANKS FOR NUTHIN’, DD!

For today’s junk food, I wanted to do something donut related.  But I didn’t have anything like that…so I allowed my mind to contrive something related.  Donuts have filling…sometimes the filling is jelly…jelly like in a PB & J…PB & J ice cream!

That’s right. Today’s junk food is: New Breyers Blasts Peanut Butter & Jelly Ice Cream!

New Breyers Blasts! Peanut Butter & Jelly Ice Cream: The Money Shot

New Breyers Blasts Peanut Butter & Jelly Ice Cream was purchased at the local Walmart SuperCenter, and it’s obvious why I bought this, right? Peanut butter and jelly ice cream??? You gotta be kidding me; how has no one else come up with this before?

Also, I know it’s called a frozen dairy dessert, but honestly? Let’s just call it like we think it – it’s ice cream in my head.  So I’m gonna keep addressing it as such.

There's a sandwich on the label. How great is this??

New Breyers Blasts Peanut Butter & Jelly Ice Cream is another flavor not yet advertised on the Breyers website. What’s the hold up, Breyers? You have all the flavors involving mix-ins, but not good ole PB & J? Booo.

Booo also to Mayor Bloomberg in New York City seeking to ban certain sizes of soda. The sale of any cup or bottle of sweetened drink larger than 16 fluid ounces — about the size of a medium coffee, and smaller than a common soda bottle — would be prohibited under the first-in-the-nation plan, which could take effect as soon as next March.

First, blah blah blah the normal gut reaction of keep the government out of our lives, I should have the right to drink what I want, etc etc. Those are the responses everyone else is making, and whatever: I’m all for choice, and I can see the government being concerned about health. I can see it both ways.

My problem is that the ban itself is stupid. I can just buy TWO bottles of soda, Bloomberg! Or I can get MORE than one refill at my Taco Bell!  I do that anyways – anyone who pays for a extra large cup at a place with free refills is a CHUMP. If we’re gonna ban something, how about T-shirts that have angel wings on the back? How about we throw dudes who launch snot rockets in public in jail immediately?? Can we do something about girls who generally have annoying effing voices? These are the problems I want addressed.

Vanilla plus peanut butter and strawberry swirls. Genius.

You gotta love that this Breyers Blasts Peanut Butter & Jelly Ice Cream just has a picture of a PB & J sandwich right on it with a bite taken out of it.  It’s a simple image and it makes me want to devour the entire tub in one sitting.

Best ingredients EVAR

The ingredients in this Breyers Blasts Peanut Butter & Jelly Ice Cream are relatively simple: vanilla ice cream, peanut butter, and strawberry swirl.  Done.  Oh yeah, and corn syrup, of course.

Corn syrup recently had an FDA showdown where people lobbied to have High Fructose Corn Syrup rebranded as “corn sugar.” Yeah, this was rejected. Incidentally, the best part of the article I just linked to is the section that reads: “The Sugar Assn. expressed delight.” You can just imagine a big room where a bunch of sugar manufacturers are going nuts, high fiving and screaming “We’re number one! We’re number one!” I imagine them all to be dressed like the Globo Gym Purple Cobras from Dodgeball.

When first opened, the vanilla ice cream hides the deliciousness

When I first opened the tub of New Breyers Blasts Peanut Butter & Jelly Ice Cream, it looked immaculate. The vanilla ice cream was pristine, and you could see some slight discoloration – like the flavor was waiting to burst forth!

Scrape it back and SURPRISE! SWIRLS!

More scraping reveals more texture and swirlies

New Breyers Blasts Peanut Butter & Jelly Ice Cream sure LOOKED good. But would it taste good? How could it not, really – it’s vanilla ice cream mixed with jelly and peanut butter!! And it even looks like I’d imagine it tasting – MESSY. Love it.

Love also the Spelling Bee championships last night.  Snigdha Nandipati won it after her opponent failed to spell Snigdha’s full name correctly. I messed up typing her name just now three times, AND I’M LOOKING RIGHT AT IT.

No, but seriously, year after year comedians, articles, and commentators make fun of the Spelling Bee because the kids are pale, nerdly, and borderline socially stunted. I mean, who can forget THIS famous word clinching flip out:

I mean, the goddamn commentator is chuckling. But you know what? I SAY GOOD FOR THEM. Snigdha is a coin collector and Sherlock Holmes fan and plays the violin. YES SHE DOES.  YES. SHE. DOES.  YOU GO GIRL. It’s rare that our country does anything to celebrate someone who’s actually smart.  So knock it off with the jokes, people.  Let the kids have their day – they’re all gonna be wealthier than us someday anyways. Hell, I write a junk food blog. I’m gonna judge a kid who knows how to do something useful???

The PB was a little frozen so it kind of broke apart easily

The jelly was plentiful and sweet

New Breyers Blasts Peanut Butter & Jelly Ice Cream was, I’ll just spell it, A-W-E-S-U-M.  Awesome. Simple awesome.

The key to this ice cream is simple flavors.  It’s vanilla ice cream – basic flavor, nothing special. The peanut butter swirl – there was a LOT of it.  And it was salty too, which was nice –  a nice smooth salty peanut butter to really contrast the sweet of the vanilla ice cream. Add onto that the strawberry jelly swirl, which was light, but really sweet, and you have EXACTLY what you expect – an ice cream that tastes like a PB & J!  Promised flavor, and it delivered. The combo was stronger than the parts.

HIGH MARKS, BREYERS! And for those who prefer chunky peanut butter, some sections of the peanut butter swirl were frozen solid, so I had to crunch through that too – a nice variation of texture while maintaining the same great taste.

Go find this, and go consume this, if you like PB & J.

Thoughts? Hit me in the comments below or hit me on Twitter @junkfoodguy or on my Facebook Page.

Sincerely, Junk Food Guy