Junk Food Nation, one of the most random wedding stories I was ever told was by my friend Mike.  He was at a friend of a friend’s wedding that, as he described it, resembled a weekend long frat party.  To be clear, he didn’t mean that the guests or the setting was low rent or of poor quality – just that the guests, young and old, treated this wedding like it was Carnaval.

The rehearsal dinner was a big kegger – there was beer and liquor everywhere, people were not fully clothed, members of the bridal party were obliterated, even the mom of groom was doing keg stands. It loud, it was fun, and it was unlike any wedding he’d ever been.  I imagine one of those college party scenes where someone breaks a bottle over another’s head, there’s silence for a moment, and then everyone engages in some happy group yelling/cheering.

The wedding itself was lovely but still filled with its moments – the bridal party was drinking from flasks the entire time, for example.  The party continued into the reception, where dancing and more alcohol flowed.  The evening culminated when while Mike was slow dancing with his girlfriend/fiancé, someone came up and punched him the face. He recovered quickly, and when he looked around no one could be seen – just other couples slow dancing.

Mike theorizes that a guest at the wedding mistook him for someone else and joke-punched him, then realized they had clocked the wrong person, and scattered.  The perfect cherry on top in a bizarre wedding weekend.

Speaking of toppers, today’s junk food: Jelly Belly Strawberry Cheesecake Dessert Topper!

The Money Shot

I saw this in the ice cream aisle at my local Wegmans.  I was sucked in by the jelly bean shaped bottle. I’d already reviewed Dr. Pepper dessert topper, so I thought why NOT jelly bean dessert topper?  I mean, what’s better than ice cream and jelly beans?  Of course, I always hated that when I had jelly beans on my ice cream, they’d freeze up into tooth-chipping rocks.

Awh, I remember those jelly beans

Still, this Jelly Belly Strawberry Cheesecake Dessert Topper had promise.  I liked Jelly Belly products, and I liked the strawberry cheesecake flavored jelly beans. The idea of liquefying them to put over ice cream didn’t seem TOO revolting…

Random cartoon jelly bean with a chef's hat

After all, this Jelly Belly Strawberry Cheesecake Dessert Topper was both naturally and artificially flavored.  Yummy.

Sugar, sugar, sugar

Yeah….this Jelly Belly Strawberry Cheesecake Dessert Topper isn’t healthy. Also, this topper isn’t anywhere on Jelly Belly’s website… why do I feel like I’m being duped here somehow.  Wouldn’t be the first time…

Viscous

I decided to try the Jelly Belly Strawberry Cheesecake Dessert Topper without ice cream first.  As I poured it into my spoon, my stomach did indeed curl a little bit.  I put the spoon in my mouth, and…

Pepto

YYAAAARGGGG!  SWEEET!  Seriously, as I allowed the weirdly viscous liquid run over my tongue, I actually shrieked a little.  Designed to be eaten with ice cream to cut some of the sugar taste (I know, THAT makes sense), this Jelly Belly Strawberry Cheesecake Dessert Topper was extremely sickeningly sweet. Like, unpleasantly sweet.  There was definite strawberry flavor, but the sugar taste forced out any actual fruit flavor very quickly.

Disturbingly smooth

I didn’t have any plain ice cream lying around, so I decided to give it a go on some leftover spoonfuls of Samoas ice cream – after all, the “ice cream” part of that was just vanilla and caramel flavored anyways.  I drizzled the Jelly Belly Strawberry Cheesecake Dessert Topper on and tasted – much better.  Still very sweet, however.  Did it taste like strawberry cheesecake?  Yes – the creaminess of the ice cream definitely mixed with the syrup to give off the familiar cheesecake taste.  The strawberry punch was dulled such that you could taste the tang of the berry flavor, giving the entire bite a much better flavor.

Still, the texture wasn’t wonderful.  When I had the Dr. Pepper dessert topper, the entire thing worked – the syrup mixed with the ice cream well and you felt like a new flavor was created.  Here, the flavors were there, but the viscous nature of THIS topper kept it from mixing completely – I definitely still felt like I was eating ice cream with syrup on top.  My tongue would catch some ice cream-less spots, and my toes would curl.

In sum, this was…not my favorite.  Achieved the flavor goal, perhaps…but gave me the heebie jeebies at the same time.  Boo.

What’s YOUR most random wedding incident? Or, do you have a comment on this topper? Hit me in the comments below or hit me on Twitter @junkfoodguy or on my Facebook Page.

Sincerely, Junk Food Guy