Happy Lunar New Year, Junk Food Nation!  That’s right, it’s the Year of the Dragon for those of you born in 1904, 1916, 1928, 1940, 1952, 1964, 1976, 1988, 2000, 2012, and 2024. What does that mean? Well, if you are a Dragon, that means you are: “Magnanimous, stately, vigorous, strong, self-assured, proud, noble, direct, dignified, eccentric, intellectual, fiery, passionate, decisive, pioneering, artistic, generous, loyal. Can be tactless, arrogant, imperious, tyrannical, demanding, intolerant, dogmatic, violent, impetuous, brash.” So…yeah. Good for you.

Me? I was born in the Year of the Sheep/Goat/Ram.  Those three animals are the same, aren’t they? Not even close, huh? I always wished I was born in the Year of the Tiger or the Year of the Dragon.  It’s tough to sound awesome when your zodiac animal is the ever-fierce producer of wool. I’d be out with friends at a Chinese restaurant, and they’d have those paper placemats with all the zodiac animals on it, and everyone would look to find their years. “Oooh, I’m a snake.” “Oooooo I’m a horse.” <turned to me> “What are you, man?”

Me: “A sheep.”

Friends: “A SHEEP?!  THAT’S SO STUPID!”

Me: “Your face is stupid.”

Yep, I was mature. I should’ve talked about how lamb is a delicious meat and that wool is a highly marketable product in the textile commodities world, but I think my friends weren’t interested.

There’s a practice for Lunar New Year that you give children red envelopes full of money, and it’s a tradition, represents good luck, etc.  I remember going to these Lunar New Year parties where these red envelopes were passed around, but they weren’t always full of money.  I’m pretty sure I found one of those gold-foil-covered chocolate coins in one.  THAT DOESN’T COUNT!

Anyways, Happy Lunar New Year!  In celebration of this event, Asian Junk Food Alert! CRUNKY!

The Crunky Shot

This CRUNKY bar was passed onto me by my friend Soojin.  I don’t even know where to begin with this.  This chocolate bar is called Crunky.  CRUNKY.  Are you kidding me? Made by Lotte, a South Korean food company, there is no evidence that eating this candy bar will get you crunk.  But it’s nice to dream, no?

Very excited about SOMETHING!

I have no idea what is written here in the blue, but they seem awful excited about it.  Crunky actually comes in a variety of flavors, including salted caramel and strawberry parfait.  Who DOESN’T like to get their crunk on with strawberry parfait??

Looks like a Crunch Bar

From the looks of the illustration, this chocolate bar appears merely to be a crunch bar, similar to Nestle’s Crunch Bar.  If so, that is a really boring end to what is a great name for a candy bar.

It better be the best...the crunkiest

Why of COURSE this is the best…it’s CRUNKY after all.  And btw, why does the background of this wrapper look like burlap?

Looks like Korean to me

Looks like Korean to me…and you know what? IT IS KOREAN.

Crunk wrapped in foil

The Crunky came expertly wrapped in delicate foil with the LOTTE name embossed all over it.  The chocolate itself is monogrammed with the LOTTE name as well, which means Lotte has dibs on this Crunky.

Full of crunky rice

As suspected, despite the amazing name, Crunky looks just like a crunch bar – milk chocolate with crispy rice.  Upon further research, however, I discovered that the crunchies in this bar are not really crispy rice, but “crunchy malt-puffs.” What’s the difference? I have no effing clue.

Crunk-tastic!

The taste? Very interesting – the milk chocolate isn’t as sweet as American milk chocolate, and as I chewed the bar, I got definite hints of coffee taste…or maybe its malt taste…whatever it was, it deepened the flavor of the chocolate.  The crispies were VERY light, and provided a tiny crispness as I chewed.  They did not taste or feel like standard American Crunch Bar rice crispies – these were more delicate. The malty crunch mixed with the subdued chocolate made for a very nice treat.

Overall, did I feel crunk? No.  But did this chocolate bar give me some euphoria? Yes.

Thoughts? Tell me in the comments below or hit me on Twitter @junkfoodguy or on my Facebook Page.

Sincerely, Junk Food Guy