Junk Food Nation, if you’re an uber sports geek like me, that means your fantasy football team is in the playoffs right now.  And if you’re snakebitten like me, that means your fantasy football team is on life support trying to just make it out of this first round.  It’s sad, no, when you feel like the kicker is the difference between winning and losing?  Sigh.  Damn you, Stephen Gostowski.

But first, let me tell you about a soda I recently found out that I missed the boat on: Pomegranate 7-Up with Antioxidants!

Looks healthy!

Pomegranate 7-Up w/ Antioxidants apparently came out years ago, during the time when Pom products were all the rage (wait, they’re STILL popular? WTF…) You remember, don’t you?  Pom juice, pom ice cream, pom gasoline, pom pomade, pom pom poms… and there it was, Pom 7-Up. But I never noticed.

Sidenote: The box even has holiday snowflakes on it! How could they stop making this swill?

Dynamic Duo

I shudder to think how ANY soda could provide antioxidants, but then I think, “What are antioxidants?” since all I know them as are a buzz word for health.  Wiki says “An antioxidant is a molecule capable of inhibiting the oxidation of other molecules.” Ok….

Wiki also says: “Oxidation reactions can produce free radicals. In turn, these radicals can start chain reactions. When the chain reaction occurs in a cell, it can cause damage or death to the cell. When the chain reaction occurs in a purified monomer, it produces a polymer resin, such as a plastic, a synthetic fiber, or an oil paint film. Antioxidants terminate these chain reactions by removing free radical intermediates, and inhibit other oxidation reactions.” OK, that’s good! Less free radicals in my cells…good…and…

Wiki also says: “Antioxidants are important additives in gasoline.” WHOA, WHAT!?

A holiday delight!

Pomegranate 7-Up w/ Antioxidants has been discontinued, so I’ll never get to try it. Instead, 7-Up has replaced it with Mixed Berry 7-Up with Antioxidants and Cherry 7-Up with Antioxidants, marking another two sodas I have NEVER seen before. What the hell, 7-Up! Where are you selling these??  It’s not like I don’t stroll the soda aisle ALL THE EFFING TIME.  Accio antioxidant soda, please.

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Anyways, let’s get to the Week 14 picks.  Last Week I went 10-6, giving me a three week total of 30-16. Week 14 looms as NFL teams actually try to figure out if the season was a complete waste (I’m looking at you, San Diego):

PITT @ CLE: I would’ve pick the STEELERS in this one, because, let’s be honest, my baby sister can throw farther than Colt McCoy, and I don’t have a baby sister.  Of course, I didn’t expect Ben Roth. to get demolished and then come back to fight like a zombie, so the game was pretty nerve-wracking – but it all turned out in the end.

KC @ NYJ: Have I mentioned how much I hate the Jets?  Grrrr….but KC (despite winning over the lifeless Bears last week) would get beat by Oklahoma. I’m almost sure of it.  KC – say hello to Landry Jones, your QB of the future! JETS take this.

TB @ JAC: TB mustered only 19 pts versus a bad CAR defense last week, while JAC put up 14 vs an OK SD defense.  Both teams are bad, but I think in facing each other, the JAGUARS pull off the win.  Oh, and Blaine Gabbert, start packing your things – say hello to Matt Barkley, your QB of the future!

NE @ WAS: Look, I know the PATRIOTS will win this game, only because I’ve watched the Redskins all year, and I know their flaws, etc. But I’m going to go on the record and say that today’s game WILL be surprising – I might even go so far as saying that they’ll cover the spread of 8 pts.  Well, no, I guess I wouldn’t say that…if the spread was like, 20 pts, I’d say the Skins cover. Yup.

By the way, Redskins, say hello to Robert Griffin III – your new QB of the future!

ATL @ CAR: It’s not that I don’t believe in Cam Newton (my fantasy MVP) but that Carolina defense is so BAD. Of course, TB wasn’t able to do much, because they had a bad offense.  ATL is not TB.  FALCONS win.

IND @ BAL: You kidding? Does Indy have Andrew Luck yet? No? RAVENS.

PHI @ MIA: Yes, Miami’s been hot, and Philly’s been cold. But Vick and Maclin are both back, and that has to stand for SOMETHING, doesn’t it? Doesn’t it? Hello?  EAGLES are my vibe….but if Vince Young is still playing, ALL bets are off.  I feel like Vince Young just thinks his job is to throw…which it is… to your OWN TEAM, Vince. Your own team.

MINN @ DET: Joe Webb vs. an angry DET who is basically playing to stay in the playoff hunt. Stay strong, Joe. Don’t worry – Suh isn’t there to stomp your head.  LIONS.

NO @ TEN: I really REALLY do not understand why people are calling this the upset of the week. TENN has either a broken Matt Hasselback or Jake friggin’ Locker throwing the ball!  I don’t care if Chris Johnson finally knows how to move his ass down the field – it’s the SAINTS! You’re picking the Titans? The TITANS? I FEEL LIKE I’M TAKING CRAZY PILLS!  SAINTS win. Mark it.

HOU @ CIN: Yeeeeeek this is a toughie. HOU has that Arian Foster, but TJ Yates on the road?  I really have a bad feeling about that.  BENGALS win this – Andy Dalton has something to prove.

CHI @ DEN: Will Tebow magic prevail? Of course it will. BRONCOS.

SF @ ARZ: See, THIS is an upset special in my book.  Lost in this NFC West picture is that Arizona actually has a pretty damn good defense too, just like the Niners.  And Arizona has nothing to lose, is playing at home, AND it’s a division rival?  Eff it; CARDS win. Yeah, I went there.

BUFF @ SD: BUFFFALLLLLOOOOOOOOOOO … it has to work ONE of these weeks, doesn’t it?

OAK @ GB: Rodgers! Discount doublecheck! (GB…and thumbs up if you get the reference.)

NYG @ DAL: What do I expect more, the Romo eff up or the Eli eff up?  Both teams have been playing actually pretty well – but I’ll take DALLAS here, only because they get back Tony Fiammetta at FB and Miles Austin too.

STL @ SEA: I heard someone say Tom Brandstater might QB the Rams on Monday Night Football.  For those who don’t know, Tom Brandstater is a manager of a cupcake stand at a farmer’s market here in DC. SEAHAWKS salivate over this win.

Have a fun Sunday, everyone!  I’m off to buy some snacks from Mr. Brandstater.

Any thoughts? Tell me in the comments below or hit me on Twitter @junkfoodguy or on my Facebook Page.

Sincerely, Junk Food Guy