Junk Food Nation, there’s just so much going on in the world of sports, so let’s get right down to it:

1. Joe Paterno has been fired!  I’m not going to go into why; if you don’t know, read a paper or watch the news once in a while – it’s only been minute-by-minute coverage for the past three days.  Joe Paterno is 84 years old, and him getting ousted was the right move, for whatever reasons you want to assign it. The most common theme in the news is that while Joe Pa did what he was supposed to in informing superiors about sexual abuse allegations, he should’ve done more.  Whether you want to indict him for looking the other way or support him for staying within the lines, Penn State needed to nip this in the bud, and they did. Each passing day equaled growing fiasco in Un-Happy Valley.

2. HEY, MESSAGE TO ANY VIOLENT PSU COLLEGE STUDENT RIOTERS: KNOCK IT OFF, IDIOTS. This isn’t Lebanon and Hezbollah, this isn’t Egypt and Mubarak, you aren’t trying to fight for freedom – you’re throwing beer bottles while wearing track pants and North Face fleeces.

To be fair, most of the student population at PSU was really just out to see what would happen and there were few incidents of really rioting, but still.  And what did we expect when the crowd is overwhelmingly male, bored, and semi-inebriated?  Plus, there’s nothing to DO in Happy Valley except riot.  Still, Joe Pa getting fired and your disagreement with how the University handled it does not mean you get license to be a jackass.  “THE UNIVERSITY IS SO CONSERVATIVE I’M GONNA TIP OVER THIS NEWS VAN!” Yeah, you have a bright future, partner.

More sports stories after the jump.  Today’s junk food: Calbee Wasabi Shrimp Flavored Chips!

The Money Shot

Let me just say this: I grew up eating Calbee Shrimp Flavored Chips. They smelled awful to anyone not eating them, but to those consuming, these were a pretty tasty chip.  When I was a kid, I could mow through an industrial size bag of these – and my parents were content to let me.

I hadn’t had Shrimp Chips in a long time, however – so when my friend Angela gave me these Wasabi-style Shrimp Chips, I was giddy.  Giddy giddy.  I think I actually squealed when she handed them over…which is embarrassing.

Got a weird Austin Powers vibe here

Calbee Shrimp Flavored Chips have been around since 1964, when the Calbee Japanese snack food company released them after their founding in 1949.  They established a US plant in the 2000s, and have been cranking out these bad boys ever since.

I have to admit, though, my eyes started to hurt as I looked at this bag. Dark green spots, bright yellow and red coloring – it’s like a bad test for color blindness.

What the

Calbee Wasabi Shrimp Flavored Chips look like dried french fries.  The imagery here is great – a picture of the chips in the background, and a foreground punctuated by two wet prawns dancing around a basket of wasabi.  WOW.  That is so, effing, weird.  “Cool Spice” is not how I would describe Wasabi also.

You know this image had to get approved somewhere along the line, and some exec actually said “we need a way to show the wasabi flavoring in this snack…and this picture is how we’re going to do it.” Yup.

MMMM MSG

Calbee Wasabi Shrimp Flavored Chips is made of food starch, shrimp, and MSG!!!  YAAAAAY!  According to the Calbee website, “The amino-acid in shrimps brings about special flavor, and moderate amount of oil is sprayed to beautifully brown toasted chips.”

Even though I know I will love these chips, all I could think after reading that description was: Eww.

French fries?

Weird ribbing

Like I stated earlier, Shrimp Chips basically look like dried french fries.  They are REALLY light, in terms of weight – sort of like a pork rind or a Cheese puff. There is an airiness to them.  Opening this bag up, and taking a deep whiff, you get a tiny hint of shrimp. You can’t really smell any wasabi.

Like processed loaves of greasy shrimp toast

I popped a few into my mouth, and crunched – not bad.  The texture – like I said, crunchy/crispy like a cheese puff or pork rind – just a normal, crunchy chip. If anything, these were a LOT like Andy Capp’s Fries or those Slim Jim Snap Stix.

The taste – started out with a hint of shrimp and general savoriness…then as you chewed, it ended with a nice hint of wasabi.  And the combination was…pretty good!  I was really surprised I liked these – see, I usually despise wasabi snacks like wasabi peas because they have WAY too much wasabi. But these were just slightly accented with the horseradish flavor, and made sense in my mouth.

A nice savory chip with a good bite of wasabi. I know for many of you these seem really out there…but I think a lot of you will like these.  Good work, Calbee.

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3. Wilson Ramos kidnapped in Venezuela?? One of DC’s good young baseball stars, Ramos was apparently abducted from his home by four armed gunman.  GOOD LORD.  Usually people kidnap the baseball pro’s family in order to bilk money from them, but this is the first time I remember the baseball player HIMSELF getting taken!  My best wishes go out to his family and to the authorities who are trying to find him – otherwise the Nats have a gaping hole at backstop this Spring. (Oh, what, you didn’t make that zing in your head and then quickly tuck it away because it was inappropriate?  I just said what you were thinking – and you should be ashamed of yourself.)

4. NBA lockout is still here!  The deadline came and went, yet the discussions and negotations continued. Will a resolution come?  Tune in next time to Survivor: Billionaires Island.

Thoughts? Tell me in the comments below or hit me on Twitter @junkfoodguy or on my Facebook Page.

Sincerely, Junk Food Guy