Happy football Sunday, Junk Food Nation.  Sorry for the late start – sleeping in isn’t usually my speciality, but this morning I was an expert. Back to Sunday Funday hypotheticals!

In honor of October and Halloween, I thought I’d throw out a dating hypothetical. Let’s say you, male or female, have a legit fear of horror movies.  You hate them. You saw Child’s Play once and now you won’t walk into a Toys R Us.  You saw Orphan and you kick little kids in the stomach if they get too close. You saw Glitter and now Mariah Carey gives you the creeps.  Wait, that wasn’t a horror movie?

Anyways, your partner insists on watching Saw XII: The Most Final Destination, and even though you’d pleaded, whimpered, and begged, they are adamant.  And you’re going to watch it with them, if you care about them (way to use the “love” card inappropriately, by the way). What do you do?

A) Suck it up and watch, eyes half closed the entire time, ears half plugged the entire time, fashioning a weird eye/ear coverup with you hands/fingers/thumbs so that your partner looks over and thinks, “My god, you weirdo.”

B) Just watch it normally, your childhood innocence being shattered and your every fiber of being screaming in horror as you resign yourself to a week of sleepless nights and peeing in the bed so that your partner looks over and thinks, “My god, you weirdo.”

C) Attempt to fall asleep as soon as possible despite shrieking humans and terrifying music on screen.

Great choices.  What *I* would do after the jump. Onto the review – like I mentioned on October 1, October is my favorite month and as such is going to be full of new things! One of the things is I’m going to review a lot more user submitted and user suggested snacks.  They might not be the newest snacks in the world, but since you, the reader, have been kind enough to give something to me, I am going to give back.  Today’s junk food was given and suggested by two of my friends, Simy and Robert: Cheetos Crunchy Cheddar Jalapeno!

The Money Shot

Cheetos are a favorite of mine, even though i like the original probably the best. Just plain ol cheesy crunch.  After the Fiery Fusion Sizzlin’ Cayenne variety gave me a healthy kick, I was excited to try this Cheetos flavor.

There’s been a trend in all snacks to go cheesier and spicier (see, e.g.,….well, this entire blog). And I’m not one to argue against it.  I just hope snack food companies know what they’re doing, and actually thinking of good flavor profiles, not just throwing a bunch of spice in there with no direction. As you’ve seen with the snacks in this blog – it’s not ALWAYS better.

When I think jalapeno, I think rodeo

Ah, Chester Cheetah in a cowboy hat and using his tail as a lasso.  That fully embodies…cheddar jalapeno…doesn’t it?  Wait, it doesn’t?  Let’s go through the thought process here… jalapenos are spicy and used in Mexican cooking… Mexican cooking is like Tex-Mex cooking… Texas is full of cowboys… and cowboys wear cowboy hats and use lassos.  Hence, the image above.  Makes perfect sense to me.  But why is Chester Cheetah wearing Reebok Pumps?

Tackling the issues that matter

Finally! A snack willing to tackle the serving size issue HEAD ON.  A serving of these Cheetos snacks is 21 Cheetos, according to the bag. So what CAN I do with 21 Cheetos snacks besides eat them?

...and coming up with useful solutions

Apparently, I could use them to measure things.  21 Cheetos = 3.5 feet. Or, otherwise known as “the most annoying way to measure things ever.”

Tiny bite size tendrils of cheese puff

Upon opening the bag, the Cheetos definitely had an amazing aroma.  Cheesy cheesy and you could smell some slight jalapeno flavor immediately.  Shaking some out of the bag, I could see that the skinny sticks of cheesy puffed corn meal were spotted and bright orange – plenty of powder for my money.  And the bag was packed full of these things! Cheetos gets a thumbs up for that – they never skimp on quantity.

Up close and cheesy

Flecked with green bits

I couldn’t help myself and I picked up several Cheetos and stuffed them into my mouth.  And I must say, GREAT flavor.  Usually with spicy snacks, if its not spicy enough, I am immediately disappointed.  These weren’t spicy to me – but the flavor was tremendous.  First, great cheddar cheese flavor – sharp and very bright, cheesy flavor exploded in my mouth.  Second, excellent jalapeno flavor, even without the spice – it tasted like the vegetable, its round flavor coating every bit of my tongue and melding with the taste of the cheese nicely.

Was it spicy? No, but at the end of each Cheetos there was a TIIIIINY bit of kick.  But did it matter to me? No because each cheese puff tasted exactly as the bag described – loaded with cheddar and jalapeno flavor.

VERY big thumbs up here, Frito-Lay. You done me right.

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When perusing the three options above when it comes to horror movies, I go with option D) Get in a fight with your spouse.  That’s helps eliminate any and all fun for the evening, but hey, at least you’ll sleep at night. You pissed off at me for ruining your evening, I can deal with. Images of my teddy bear growing spider fangs and eating my eyes, while zombies chase me down and creepy children with glowing eyes make my skin peel off, I can’t.  Sorry!

If your love of Human Centipede means the end of our relationship – that’s on YOU, weirdo.

Sincerely, Junk Food Guy