Good morning, Junk Food Nation.  I wanted to start this blog post with a shout out to my co-worker Brittany, who’s sick.  Get better soon, Britt!  It’s hard to be sick during this heat wave in DC.  By the way, it was 103 degrees yesterday.  With the heat index, it supposedly “felt like 115.” SERIOUSLY??

Second, the NFL lockout did not end last night.  Again.  I say “again,” only because everyone has been expecting this lockout to end “any day now.”  Well, WTF.  Get on with it!

With the lockout’s end (hopefully) drawing near, it seems like both parties, the owners and the players, are sniping at each other once again.  The media, of course, is spinning this last minute CBA disagreement in different ways: the owners are doing what they promised and now the players are acting in bad faith, or the owners are pulling some rushed BS and the players just aren’t buying in without a full agreement.

Both sides seem keenly aware, however, that how their side is perceived by the fans, via the media, is extremely important.  Why is this?  When did fan perception become so important during these negotiations?

More on this after the jump.  Today’s junk food delves into that wonderful wacky (scary) world that is Asian junk food!  The first offering: Orion Fresh Pie (Strawberry Cream Pie)!  Mmmmm (I hope).

The big box of cakes I got was loaded with pretty colors and photos.  Problem number one I had with the snack, right away: “Fresh Pie, Strawberry Cream Pie.”  Don’t these snacks look remarkably like cakes? Now, I get it – Whoopie Pies are not actual pies, etiher.  However, the name and make of that dessert are grounded in New England tradition.  Somehow, I’m guessing “Fresh Pie” lacks that same history.

Note: the item is called a strawberry cream pie.  I love the little pencil-drawn bakers above, working hard to crank out these “Fresh Pie.”  These delicious strawberry cream pie*…. hey wait, WHY IS THERE A RASPBERRY IN THIS PHOTO!?

Twelves little packs in the box.  I like the drawing of the packs, just in case I can’t actually read the word “packs.”  Doesn’t the image look remarkably like a Hot Pocket sleeve that you slip the food into to be microwaved?  Is it just me?

So, I found these in an aisle of the grocery that was not refrigerated.  No preservatives?  Really?  These weird cakes didn’t have an expiration date on ’em, so SOMETHING is keeping these babies from decomposing…

I love botched English.  Fresh Pie, “IT’S NOW!”  What is now, Fresh Pie.  WHAT IS?  Flavor? Deliciousness?  Hump Day?  The World Cup?  Tell me what’s now, Fresh Pie!

The side of the box had this helpful diagram of what to expect with the snack.  While I do like junk food companies to remove any snack ambiguity of what’s inside, this may be a little overboard.  Why are you showing this to me, Fresh Pie?  Trying to hard – I feel like you’re trying to dupe me.

On the back of the box is…WAIT, AGAIN, WHY ARE THERE RASPBERRIES IN THIS PHOTO?  Aren’t these strawberry cream pies (cakes)?  Am I being punk’d????

Note: the item is now called a premium fruit cake.

This item turns out to be a product of Korea, via California and Maryland.  So the Fresh Pies made it from Korea, to the US, from one coast to the other, and STILL you claim there’s no preservatives?  Right…

The little pillow packs inside were about the size of an iPod.  Individually wrapped, they were light and airy. I was still skeptical about its contents.

INCONSISTENCY CENTRAL!  Now the item is called a soft cake with sweet strawberry and raspberry cream, after being pimped two different ways on the box!  Shady.  SUPER SHADY, Orion.

Avoid direct sunshine?  What the HELL does that mean??? Are these vampire cakes?  These directions on the packaging feel a little too deliberate.  Stop bullying me, Fresh Pie.  If these notices were so important, why aren’t they on the box?

Opening up the package, I finally got my first look at the Fresh Pie.  YIKES.  What is this thing?  It looks like two vanilla wafers glued together into a shriveled yo-yo.

Breaking it open, I was finally able to see the cream inside. The photo on the box indicated some sort of cream/jelly mix filling inside.  Here…I mainly see cream.  Pink strawberry (and apparently raspberry) cream.

Closer up, you can KIND OF see a thin ribbon of jelly that borders above and below the pink cream, and it looked like it had basically absorbed into the cake.  When I opened the package up, the SMELL of strawberry was very pleasant – chemically perfect strawberry smell.

After taking a bite, however, I can say that I will not be eating these again if I can help it.  The cake was sweet, but dry and spongy (but not in a good way).  The cream tasted FAINTLY of strawberry yet was only mildly sweet – the flavor was very washed out by the cream itself, which was plastic-y and left a film coating my tongue. Chewing this item in my mouth, I wanted to spit it out.  It’s not that it was a BAD taste, but its a far cry from a satisfying junk food.

Looking at the box photo, I can see how this could’ve been good – a tasty cake with sweet cream and jelly filling sounds delicious – just like a donut.  The actual product, however, fell, WAY short.  A Twinkie, this is not.

—-

When the last NFL strike happened, it was 1987, and I was eight years old.  I clearly don’t remember there not being a week of the season, and don’t remember the replacement players that played during the first part of that year.

But today’s era is different.  With labor talks happening in the time of Twitter, Facebook, TMZ, 4000 channels on cable, 24/7 news coverage – fans are able to follow every minute detail of these negotiations. The average fan, upon learning some fact or opinion about the NFL lockout, instantly spreads this bit of info with his own emotion attached via social networks to hundreds of other people.  Fan moodiness acts like a virus.

My buddy Rob suggested to me that fans now, more than ever, feel like armchair GMs and owners because of the popularity of fantasy football.  Constantly confronted with stats and salaries, fans have a better daily working knowledge of player values and contract status.  This, therefore, helps fuel a fan’s belief that the opinion they are passing onto their friends regarding the lockout is, indeed, a thoughtful opinion, even if it is not.

Both the NFLPA and the NFL are aware of all these facts.  Both sides know that a lockout or strike hurts the sport’s popularity.  Both sides know that fan perception of the events is crucial, because if they can spin the fan’s to their side, they can pressure the other side to concede on their demands.

Here’s a newsflash for the parties, however – we hate you both right now for claiming you had an agreement like two weeks ago.  MOVE IT ALONG.  If you were afraid you’d lose fans before, you’re really pushing it now.

Sincerely, Junk Food Guy