Even though I realize he made this speech a couple weeks ago, I felt compelled to mention one part of Conan O’Brien’s commencement address to the 2011 Class of Dartmouth University.  I only mention this because I recommended a friend watch the speech, specifically for this quote:

“It is our failure to become our perceived ideal that ultimately defines us and makes us unique.  It’s not easy, but if you accept your misfortune and handle it right, your perceived failure can be a catalyst for profound re-invention.”

Good words.  Let that sink in while I review today’s morsel of junk and we’ll revisit it at the end.

The Money Shot

Let me say first that I really don’t like Bugles.  People say “Oh, but you can put them on your fingers and it’s fun and shit.”  That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.  Bugles are not fun.  They taste like stale cereal you’ve mistakenly spilled seasoned salt on.  Stale seasoned salt.

Please note also: these are Hot Buffalo flavor, with flames shooting out of the words.  Right.  More on this absurdity later.

Yeah...that's clearly wrong.

Other snacks are pointless?  As in: once you’ve had Bugles “other snacks are pointless”?  Is that what you’re trying to infer, Bugles?  Well, I have a newsflash for you, Bugles – incorrect.  You are yucky and I don’t like you.

Misleading...well, at least to me

Bugles are indeed Crispy Corn Snacks, but that makes them sound like they are similar to Doritos or even Corn Nuts, both of which I enjoy.  But they are not. Sooooooo not.

Indeed, the only reason I picked up this bag is because of the advertised flavor – growing up near Buffalo, New York, I have loved Buffalo Wings my entire life, and could practically drink Frank’s Red Hot. I thought maybe some spicy kick could dull the actual flavor of a Bugle.  Wow, was I wrong.

Open the bag and...ugh

This is what I saw when I opened the bag.

Cue Trombone Sound: "Waah Waaaaaaah"

God, they just look gross.  Like dried coated crustacean shells.

Seasoned up

I will give Bugles credit – each piece was smattered with seasoning and …cheese?  Whatever it was. These snacks practically glowed bright orange.  And not in the good Doritos way.

Ridges for maximum ...something

The taste test: After putting one in mouth and chewing it slowly, I came to the conclusion that these were a poor attempt at “Buffalo” flavor. Spicy?  Only sort of. Flames shooting out of my mouth?  I wish.  Buffalo flavored? Not even close – tangy, yes, and sour, yes, but tangy and sour do not make Buffalo.  I tasted no hints of blue cheese or the like, none of the traditional Frank’s Red Hot flavor, no real savoriness.  Blech.

But...they're so fun, am I right, guys?

Super powdered, super crunchy, and super disappointing.  This Bugles experience left me wanting more … like another snack.  You screwed me again, Constanza.

—-

Going back to Conan’s quote, part of the reason I started this blog was to try something new – indeed an attempt at re-inventing myself.  While I didn’t really experience any particular failure, it was a desire to not remain constant/stagnant/plateaued that pushed me to write ridiculous comments about the foods we all love.  I hope you’ll enjoy this journey with me.

Day 4 done!  Follow me @junkfoodguy.

Sincerely, Junk Food Guy